The Missing Bank

Before heading off to the Grand Bazaar we decided to make a minior stop so that I can withdraw some cash. I realised that seeing as this was my last opportunity to hit the Grand Bazaar I should have some extra cash on me.

When we arrived to the front of the bank I was in complete shock when I realised that the bank had been totally demonished and knocked down to millions of pieces of dust. I was in complete shock staring at it as this bank was here less than 3 weeks ago. At this point Nagasaki noticed my shock and pulled out a camera and took a picture of me staring into the missing bank.

After the shock it was time to find another ATM for me.

The Erboy Bitch!

We manage to walk out of the elevator into the lobby to spot the Erboy Bitch. Once again its cameras into motion as we try and come up with a plan to get the bitches photo without causing a scene like last night.

Now that its daytime, we wont have to worry about the orange or red light. We some how manage to capture this picture of the Erboy bitch for our records. Feeling completely satisfied that we have the bitches photo, we storm out of the lobby laughing our heads off while the Erboy bitch watches us head towards Sude Konak.

Before heading to the Grand Bazzar, I decide to go to the bank to withdraw some money.

Terrace Guy Attack

It feels good to wake up again in Istanbul after spending so much time travelling the Greek Islands. I think by the end of the 4th day in Mykonos we were both dying to get off the island. Don't ask me why but by the 4th day in Mykonos, you really need to get off the Island.

After a brief sleep in, we nearly miss breakfast. We race downstairs to the breakfast hall where the waiters are starting to pack up the room. We quickly shove each other out of the way while we start packing the plates with anything and everything. I hear the waiters complaining within themselves about us arriving late.

Since we are quite sick, we decide to pocket most of the honey left on the table. After scrapping enough food for an army into our pockets and bags, we struggle back to our room due to the weight of all the food.

We manage to lie on our beds and spend the morning relaxing. Well some one us tried anyway. I was lying on my bed watching some Turkish TV when I turned to my left to see Nagasaki approach the window, slam it open and start dangling out of it. I step into panic mode thinking Nagasaki is about to commit sucide and of all places at Erboy. Nagasaki would probably fall on top of the Erboy bitch and squash her to death.

Before I could get any word out, Nagasaki starts screaming something out the window. I stood there lost, thinking what the fuck is happening. My heart was racing from panic. For a minute I thought Nagasaki was screaming to get attention and get a film crew for the attempted sucuide thats about to come. Nagasaki swings around while holding the window screaming at me "Whats the Terrace guy's name"

Before I could get a word out, Nagasaki turns back to the window and screams "Terrace Guy" then falls onto the bed in a laughing fit. At this point I'm still in shock thinking why is she screaming Terriost out the window. Minutes later this all starts to make sense when Nagasaki explains that the urge came about when Terrace Guy was spotted on the Terrace of Sude Konak.

When Nagasaki manages to get a grip, Its round two of the screaming fit with my camera in my hand to capture this moment. We spend the next 10 minutes while I try and explain to Nagasaki that the Terrace guy's name is VURAL! Instead Nagasaki insists on Voral, Varal and anything but VURAL!!!

Nagasaki managed to scream out the window for several seconds before someone spotted us. Within a few seconds Nagasaki managed to slam the window shut without slamming the fingers, pull the curtains across and fall to the bed for another laughing fit. I think this was a good stress relief excerise.

We manage to flick through the tape a few times before deciding to wander out of the hotel to the Grand Bazzar again.

As we manage to leave the room, I notice that we are staying opposite the room I stayed with Tugcen. I pull out my camera and take a photo of the door and move along.

Mozie the bitch that woke me up at 1:30am!

It’s 1:30am and the hotel phone rings while we are fast asleep. My heart skips a million beats as I jump forward on my bed. In the dark I try very hard trying to pick up the hotel phone to only knock over everything on the table to the ground. I finally found the lamp switch to turn it on. I answer the hotel phone half-asleep while panicking.

I answer to hear some woman on the phone mumbling something. For a minute I thought the Erboy bitch had stuffed up our booking and she was kicking us out of the room. Seriously who else could it be at this time of the morning? Next thing I know this woman starts mumbling something about Lily. I start to panic thinking something’s happen to Lily to only wake up to myself.

The bitch on the phone kept yelling is Lily there. I thought maybe it was Lily’s parents thinking she’s run away from home to Turkey again or there’s been an emergency and they are trying to get in contact with her. This didn’t make sense to me as Lily’s parents didn’t know my number or the hotel number I was staying at. God I’ve only swapped and changed like 5 hotels since I’ve been here.

Feeling too tired and sleepy to deal with this at 1:30am, I pass the phone to Nagasaki to figure this one out.

Prank Caller – Lily?
Nagasaki – What?
Prank Caller – mumbles something about Mum?
Nagasaki – Who is this?
Prank Caller – Lily? Mum?
Nagasaki – What?
Prank Caller – Mum! Its Mozie!
Nagasaki – Who? I don’t know any Mozie
Prank Caller – Mum!
Nagasaki – I’m not your mum
Prank Caller – Is this Istanbul?
Nagasaki – Yes it’s Istanbul but I’m not your mum
Prank Caller – It’s Mozie Mum
Nagasaki – I’m not your fucken mother
Prank Caller – It’s Mozie
Nagasaki – What the hell do you want from me?
Prank Caller – Mozie
Nagasaki – I’m not your fucken mother how many times do I have to tell you

Nagasaki slams the phone down while I stroll to the bathroom in the dark to pee. While in the bathroom I hear my mobile ringing while Nagasaki is screaming something. In a mad panic, I don’t think I finished peeing as I ran half-naked into the room to answer my phone. I answer the phone and all I hear is silence before they hang up. We both freak out thinking something has happened in Sydney.

Who the hell is calling us at 1:30am? Which inconsiderate bitch is waking us up in search of their mother? If I ever lay my hands on that prank caller I will ……………….. BEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP

ISTANBUL WERE BACK!

I throw myself off that plane and my throat is killing me. I have no idea what happen during that 2.5 hour flight but my throat was VERY dry. It was like there was lack of air on that plane.
We walk to customs and Nagasaki questions on where to get some Turkish Liras. We agree to exchange money outside because we would get better rates, Plus I had some Turkish Lira's on me.

We stroll out of the departure doors to only be greeted by our loved ones - bellboy, Transfer guy and Terrance guy. I was actually quite happy to see theses guys. Bellboy throws himself onto me as if its been 5 years since we saw one another. We pass our luggage to them and its a mad race out of the airport.

Apparently Bellboy didn't believe me when I messaged him saying our planes been delayed. He thought that we were going to arrive early and catch a taxi to the hotel as Nagasaki only screamed NO TRANSFER 50 times in the guys face. The poor guy practically had it tatooed on his head by Nagasaki's silava.

We rushed out of the airport because they had been here for 2 hours and the parking meter had been racking up. I think they paid for parking and then they shoved us in the van and we jetted off.

Before I could get a word out, the cameras were out, Nagasaki was in the middle backseat capturing the joyride once again. Shoving it on night vision the van stormed out of the car park about to jump over the cars in front of us. While trying to pray to get to the hotel safely the bellboy turned up the music for the terrace guy to start dancing in the back seat. What the fuck do theses people think this is? A night club for terrace guy to shake his butt on the back seat.

Nagasaki is screaming but I can't hear what the screaming is about beause I've gone deaf and because I'm about to piss my pants due to fear. Were holding the front seat in front of us while Nagasaki holds the camera on the other hand when Transfer guy slams on his brakes when we suddently approach a red light and he realises he won't be able to run it.

At this point Nagasaki gets violent and starts smacking transfer guy on the back when this inspires transfer guy to freak us out more. Meanwhile Terrace guy is beyond freaked out. I think he was the first one to piss his pants. I heard him yelling his never getting into this van again. So much for his dancing. In your face terrace guy!

After about 16 near death collisions we arrive in front of Erboy hotel. Nagasaki screams and kicks the terrace guy out while I take the other door. We find ourselves standing on the streets practically ready to cry because we are alive!!!


We walk into Erboy again ready to be told that they are overbooked. I reach the counter when I notice Nagasaki pull out a camera when we spot the Erboy bitch on her shift. Trying very hard not to laugh. I'm proud of Nagasaki for coming up with the plan.

So I'm standing at the check in counter when Nagasaki pulls out the camera. I notice Nagasaki doing something, apparently turning the flash off so that we dont cause a scene. As you all know we had enough secret camera practice in Mykonos. So I'm taking to the Erboy bitch when I notice a HUGE ORANGE light in her face. I was like what the fucks going on. Apparently with Nagasaki's camera when you turn the flash off, a bright orange light comes on in a dark atmosphere. This is the same with my camera but my light is red.

I stood there panicing. I was like think fast, avoid the bitch, distract her, do something. I started mumbling something really fast to her to distract everyone. I can't even remember what the hell I was on about. However there was three people behind the counter, some other chick and a bellboy who all notice what the hell was going on.

Next thing you know Nagasaki starts mumbling something while smacking the camera and then pulling out the batteries pretending that there is something wrong with the camera. We all stood there starring, thinking what the fucks going on. Standing in front of the Erboy bitch, I was hoping for her to hurry up so we can go to our room. I was about to burst out laughing at the embarrassing situation we had.

The Erboy bitch hands me the room key and the bellboy takes us to our room. We dump our luggage and tip the bellboy. The minute he walks out, I start screaming to Nagasaki what the fuck was that about? To top it all off I realise we didnt even get a photo of the bitch after all of that. So it was time for plan B.

Nagasaki storms out of the hotel room ready to grab the Erboy bitch by the hair and slam her from one side of the hotel to the other. Nagasaki sets the video camera into position similar to the whole $40 dollar woman plan. We stroll to the lobby to see our awesome threesome - Bellboy, Transfer guy and Terrace guy.

We manage to capture 30 seconds of footage of the Erboy bitch while Bellboy questions what we are up to. We tell him nothing as we head to the nearest restauarant for food. By this time I realise that I only have $20 between us as Nagasaki never managed to get money exchanged in our airport rush. I don't know why but I'm paying for the guys drinks as well. Maybe its the fact we never paid for the parking at the airport or the transfer.

We order food and the guys order their beer.Bellboy asked me to see the transfer tape we just filmed. Panic mode hits as we just filmed the erboy bitch 5 minutes ago and I can't show him that. We make up some excuse as to leaving the tape in the room and that I only have the first transfer tape on me. So I quickly exchange the tapes and hand the camera to them. They piss themselves laughing but later complain that I filmed more of Nagasaki than the road.

With all the commotion and yelling the waiter comes to our table. This is when he acuses me of not being Turkish. I tell him that I'm turkish but for some stupid reason he insists that I look nothing like a turk. In fact apparently Nagasaki looks more turk than me. What the hell is wrong with this guy?

We have our dinner and request the bill. When the bill comes I realise I'm about 3 or 4 dollars short. This was quite embarrassing as bellboy told the restaurant that we would drop it off tomorrow. So we pay the bill with the only 20 dollar note we have and storm out of the resturant. Man we just managed to scrape through that.

Were up and leaving when I point out Chinatown in Istanbul to Nagasaki. Nagasaki takes a look and sees two chinese restuarants and a few promotional chineses balls hanging in the air and is totally disgusted. Ok I admit you can walk the entire Chinatown in Istanbul in less than 15 seconds but hey at least we still have it.

We walk towards Chinatown when the Asian guy gives us a death look. It was a look of disgust. Maybe its because we didnt eat in Chinatown tonight?

We head back to Erboy and before Bellboy can get into the transfer van we hand him two bottles of Vodka which we wanted to get rid of. Thank god we got rid of the extra unneeded package.

We head back to our room and have a shower before hitting the sack. I practically pass out the minute I put my head on the pillow.

I'm so glad to be back in Istanbul.

Athens in Transit

The plane lands and we are back in Athens after trying to avoid it again. Our connecting flight is in an hour so we take enough time to stroll around the airport duty free shops. Heading to our gate we pass the bloody Maccas which I had an incident in last year. We argue over whether we should grab a bite at Maccas even though we just ate less than an hour ago. We agree to eat in Istanbul once we arrive as we would only pay half the price for double the size.

We arrive at the gate for me to realise I have to pee. Nagasaki yells at me to pee on the plane but the thought of keeping it in for another half an hour scares me. So I rush to the toilet to pee before heading back to the waiting lounge.

Half an hour later when we are both about to fall asleep on the seats the plane still hasn't arrived. This is when they announce that our plane will be delayed for another hour due to the previous flight running late. Feeling shitty about this situation we decide after much arguing that we should go eat before we both pass out on the seats.

So we head to the Maccas in the airport which I had a huge incident last year. A quick recap I wanted to purchase a ham and cheese crossiant without the ham. The bitch gave me attitude so I didn't buy it. When I returned to Sydney I wrote a complaint letter to the head department and I received free Maccas Vouchers.

We stand in the queue when this woman in front of Nagasaki orders a coffee. The Maccas chick makes the coffee and puts it on the counter for her. The woman stares at the coffee totally confused. The woman then asked the Maccas chick what to do with it. I was tempted to yell shove it up ur ass. The Maccas chick picks up the coffee and tells her to take the lid off and then to drink the coffee. The woman makes some weird hmmmm or ohhhh sound and walks off with the coffee. Why do we cope all the freaks man? The woman sits behind us and spends two hours trying to figure out how to drink her coffee.

After our quick snack we head back to the departure lounge when it hits me that the Bellboy and tranfer guy would be waiting for us at the airport. Bellboy had insisted on organising a transfer for us and to be honest at this stage I was glad. The thought of any other taxi drama when I'm feeling dead sick was sending panic beats to me. So I quickly sms him to tell him that the plane has been delayed and we will be approx an hour late.

We wait and wait at the waiting lounge when they finally decide to board the plane. We plant ourselves on to the seat and practically pass out feeling dead tired.

The plane ride from Athens to Istanbul is a one hour flight. Two hours later we are still sitting on this bloody plane. I'm ready to kill someone by this stage. I just want to get off and get to my room.

2.5 hours later the plane lands in ISTANBUL! Thank god. I feel like I'm home. I'm practically in tears ready to hug any turk I see at the airport.

Farewell Mykonos

God knows how the hell I got out of bed this morning. After a huge drinking session last night where I passed out on my bed with my clubbin clothes, I dragged my sick ass out of bed and straight into the shower. I can still feel the gross smell on my clothes the night before. I think I got so pissed drunk that I ended up spilling alcohol all over myself as well.

No matter what Nagasaki said today I was popping any pills I can find. I needed pills more than ever. I was so looking forward to getting off this island now. I was done. I couldn't handle another night of Skan. Bar.

We some how manage to head out for breakfast. I collapse on the seat the minute we get there. Thank god this is the final moments of Mykonos. Sitting at the cafe Nagasaki manages to go through two boxes of tissues. Nagasaki's nose was running like a tap left on. For a minute I thought it was going to leak into our coffees.

Speaking of Coffees, I dont think any coffee can be strong enough to wake me up today hehe
We sit at the cafe recapping the entire trip. Do we have closure on everyone and everything on this island? I am not coming back to this island! I need to get off the island as soon as possible.

After breakkie we stroll back to our room to pack up. This is when we dump the towels from Pammukkale. They were taking up too much room in my suitcase anyways. I think we only used them like once or twice.

We leave the apartment and farewell the stairs that nearly killed us in the middle of the night when we tried climbing them drunk as. Notice there was no railings to hold onto.

The stairways with no railings

We drag our suitcases to the travel agents office, which was a huge hike when you have a massive hangover. They allow us to leave the luggage in a secure place. Note their secure place in behind a short curtain in some corner. If my bag goes missing theres going to be hell to pay. I dont care if I have to piss on their office desk I WILL!

We leave the office to do our last minute urgent things. First thing was to finish our phone cards. We find a phone booth where Nagasaki calls some inconsiderate bitch at home. Relax Cherry it wasn't you. Actually wait I think we left a voice message because you didn't pick! What kind of a sick person doesn't pick up our call from Greece.

Next stop after our abusive phone calls is to harrass the locals again. We decided to head to the exchange womans office to get a photo with her. When we rock up to the office we notice from outside its the guy who nearly shitted and vomitted everywhere. We race off before we enter the office.

Leaving the xchange office we decide to get photos of the woman who does it for fun. For thoses that dont remember the woman who does it for fun, read back to 2004. We manage to grab some pics of her before I nearly broke something in the store. We ran out of the store to the next freak.

The woman who does it for fun

We managed to capture a picture of the constipated woman. She was a Mykonos highlight in 2004, as we got her on video looking like she was constipated. However in 2005 she seemed more relaxed and happy. Either business has picked up or she's no longer constipated.

The constipated woman

Next stop was the crazy hat woman. Note in 2005 she decided to dump the hat. This time round we managed to meet her daughter and son.

The Crazy Hat woman on the left with sunnies

Our last stop was the $40 dollar woman's shop. After yesterday's incident in her shop we decided not to enter her shop and just watch her from outside. I think I was too out of it to even both with her. We planned a store attack, where I would run into the store and shove my camera in her face and take a picture and then run out. Seriously I had no energy to try.

Feeling satisfied and the fact we have all the pictures, we head to Mex Cafe for some coffee.

The Excitment Cafe

We sit at the cafe for a while when I realise I have some loose change in my pocket. So I head to the store opposite to stack up on more postcards. I think Nagasaki sculls two Greek coffees in that time.

We arrive at the travel agent where we booked our transfer in the morning. The transfer cost us 14 Euros between us. Thats like almost 28 AU. I have no idea what the hell we were thinking but I suppose we had too much luggage already. A taxi would have costed us half the price.

We pack the van with our suitcases and as we are about to jump into the van we notice this woman is joining us as well. We have no idea who she is. We start travelling towards the airport when we drop this woman in the middle of the road. This is when we realise that the woman didn't pay for the ride and got a free trip out of us. We paid for her trip! What type of a sick person gets a free trip out of us? I should have jumped out of the car and slammed her face into the door until she paid for half.

We arrive at the airport and due to our luck the gates arent open yet. We plant ourselves in some chair until I realise I'm still hungry. Nagasaki minds the luggage while I head over to the shop to get some food. The prices as we know are ridiculous at this store but I decide to buy a sandwich to shut my stomach up. I come back to show Nagasaki that I paid 5 Euros for a cheese and tomato sandwich when I get screamed at. I think Nagasaki got the shits that I paid 10 bucks for a sandwich.

Five minutes later Nagasaki comes back with the same sandwich I brought from the store. Like what the hell? I just got told off for buying one and now we both have a 10 dollar sandwich.

Finally the gates open after I shove the entire sandwich down my throat and we spend the next half an hour waiting in the waiting lounge. I start to panic again because of how small the plane looks while Nagasaki watches the two gay guys in front of us who are about to hump each other.

The moment comes and we board the plane. I take a deep breath and realise this is it for Mykonos once again.

We sit down and the plane takes off and we crave for the orange juice that the bitches never serve us.

Final night at Skandanavian Bar - 2005 - ALL BETS ARE OFF

THE NIGHT IS PUMPING FOR LOVE..........

Picture - The 3 Bar tarts


Thinking its the last bloody night we head to Skan. Bar to party. We walk in and as usual have to purchase a ticket which entitles us to a free drink at the bar. I reach the bar and get my usual white wine. Nagasaki decides to get a Singapore Sling when they run out of the ingredients for it and instead they serve something else that doesn't satisfy Nagasaki. God I know I'm not going to hear the end of this as we have official wasted alcohol and WE NEVER WASTE a drop of alcohol.

I just noticed after looking at my photos that the bartender is wearing a purple top which looks like its been torn to pieces by her to show her back and tits. Yes Mykonos is full of freaks.

I think after a few drinks I was totally smashed. Being the last night of Mykonos I decided to bring my digital camera to take random pictures in the bar. This was the best decision as I went camera happy and took pictures of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE.

The above picture was taken for my benefit. As I thought the chick in the pink dress had noice tits. Yes I admit I am a pervert but arent all guys?

The pictures above set the scene for the bar. It was quite a packed night and the night only got interesting as it went along. The three Mykonos bar tarts never sat down by the way.

While dancing I noticed the weird dancing Asian chick. Without thinking, I reached for my camera and yelled out weird Asian chick to Nagasaki. I turned my camera towards her and snapped her up sending half the people blind with my red flash. Nagasaki checks out the Asian woman and screams "She's like 45". Now we know why she never got picked up. Poor thing.

Picture - The weird dancing Asian Chick

The Blonde chick in the picture below with the red top and beer in hand some how thought I was hitting on her. Because the bar was too packed, I kept getting rammed into her and she took this as a sign that I want to get into her pants. GOD NO!!!

It only got better as the blonde chick is friends with the weird Asian chick. So everytime I was trying to snap up a picture of the Asian chick, the blonde chick was thinking of taking photo's of her. I remember her blurting her name out to me but I have forgotten it now as I couldn't be stuffed remembering it when I was pissed drunk.

Picture - The blonde chick and the Asian chick dancing away

While dancing we managed to capture various pictures of people. I have no idea how the hell I managed to get so many while I was drunk but hey they are great memories now.

Notice the picture above. I only noticed this today.There are two lesbians going for it on the left hand side of the picture. I suppose this is normal Mykonos behavior.

Picture - Freaky Guy 2005

For thoses wandering the picture of the guy above in the grey shirt is the freaky guy of 2005. Remember how I spoke of him standing behind us on the dancefloor while everyone danced around him. Well Introducing Freaky Guy 2005!

Somewhere in between we noticed this Hat chick who thought Nagasaki was her pole. She rubbed her body up and down Nagasaki treating it as her own pole show in Skan. Bar. For a minute I was extremely disgusted with the whole show. It was worst than Kylie and Pierre.The only difference was Kylie and Pierre had a tongue show. Theses two just kept teasing each other. All the rubbing and silent touching things were heating up in here. Give it another 2 minutes and a tongue show would have started.

Picture - The hat chick

By this time I can't be bothered watching anymore of the pole show when I realise I have to pee badly. I rush to the toilets to notice that theres a queue. God I'm so tempted to pull out and pee in front of the door. Meanwhile I notice Nagasaki coming towards me. I think I waited like 20 minutes to get inside to pee. By that time I think my bladder was about to burst causing a flood in the bar.

After I manage to pee we head back to the dance floor to shake it and take more pictures.This is when I notice the hat chick on top of the bar shaking her booty.

Picture - The hat chick on the left of the bar

We were waiting on Kylie and Pierre to show up so that we can capture their pictures for our records. While waiting for them we notice that a guy we know walks in. We look at each other to only realise its the french guy from 2004. Like oh my god. Whats the french guy doing back here when we are here. In a mad panic its camera time.

Picture - The French Guy

By this stage the bar got so packed that I could barely see over people's head. Check out the picture below and you will understand. The picture was taken from my own view point.

The parting continued and I noticed that the chick in the pink top on the bar finally got picked up. The stupid bitch has been trying so hard the entire night. You can tell she wanted to get laid. The way the slut threw herself on that bar and refused to get off until she got some action.


Picture - The pink chick high in the air

While I was checking out the scene and enjoying the wild night I suddently spotted the hard Italian guy rubbing his trackie pants onto Nagasaki. This got gross as I could see the Italian guys Italian sausage was awake and ready to go.Because the bar was so packed Nagasaki found it very hard to get away this time so had to cope the Italian sausage in every direction possible.

Thinking the best way to avoid him, Nagasaki turns around and has the back to him when Tony (The hard Italian guy) takes this as a sign - come play with my ass. For thoses that don't know when you turn your back to a guy, this is an invitation for him to rub is cock on your ass! Nagasaki had to find this out the HARD way!

Picture - The hard Italian guy with the hat and chewy in mouth

According to Nagasaki the hard Italian guy was quite happy.This then lead into a tongue action role play which made me feel sick. As if the Kylie & Pierre show wasnt enough followed by the pole show with the hat chick now the italian porn show. I was waiting for the hard italian guy to flop out his cock and just go for it on the dancefloor.

I immediately make my way to the toilet, not because I'm about to vomit from the Italian porn show but because I've drinken enough alcohol to make my bladder want to pee every 5 minutes.

Once again I had to stand in a queue to use the toilet. This is when Nagasaki tries escaping the hard Italian guy to end up in the arms of the hat chick. So Nagasaki goes from the Italian porn show back to the pole show. Some how the hat chick decides to rescue Nagasaki, not to help but because she wants Nagasaki. I think the hat chick was turned on by the Italian porn show and wanted in. Some how Nagasaki and the hat chick had round 2 of their show before Nagasaki came running to the toilet queue to tell me that the hard Italian had Vodka and OJ.

I stare at Nagasaki pissed drunk thinking what the fuck do you want from me. Nagasaki kept screaming about me leaving the dance floor and how the hard Italian guy got more than Nagasaki was willing to give. I was on the tip of peeing my pants while the screaming match was happening. The doors finally open and I run in to pee.

I walk out to head back to the dancefloor with Nagasaki.Trying very hard to dance again as I'm about to collapse from the crowd and the heat I decide to just stand there while people knocked me from one side to the other. I think I ended up on Nagasaki a few times before I got tossed to the other side. Meanwhile the hard Italian guy found us again. It was more action for Nagasaki's ass but this was short lived when the hard Italian guy screamed he was leaving and added a "I'll see you next year" in there. Oh my god what the hell does that mean? Is this a sign were coming back to Mykonos in 2006?

After 3 hours of dancing and falling in that bar it was time to quit. I got dragged out of the bar to a pita shop while Nagasaki sculled every bottle of cold drink possible while telling me off.

I think somewhere at the pita shop I scream something as I'm pissed drunk. We manage to struggle back to the apartment, when I try very hard climbing the stairs before heading back to the room.

I jump into my bed without getting changed as I'm too out of it. I think its about 5am and I'm so ready to sleep.

The Xchange Woman & Salad

Were on a high after the $40 dollar woman that we decided to go harrass the xchange
woman in regards to day tours just for the hell of it. At the start of the trip we wanted to go to Delos this time around but after our ferry trip getting here there was no way we were going to jump on a ferry again.

Recapping the xchange woman from 2004, what happened was that we were walking in the streets of Mykonos town when some woman said hi to us. This is when someone turned around and said to me "Who the fuck was that?". I had to explain that was the xchange woman. Hence the obessession grew.

After being stranded on the island we decided to go back to the exchange woman in 2004 to ask for day tours when she practically ripped our throats out. She told us off for going to the office around 11am when she told us that all day tours depart at 9am daily the previous day.

So we walk back into her office to ask about day tours again even though were leaving tomorrow. We manage to harrass her abit and end up with her email. We find out her name is Evelyn before storming back to the apartment.

Picture - The Xchange Woman who told us off in 2004

We collapse into bed after only being up for a few hours to catch up on sleep. After a brief nap were up and still feeling pretty sick. The plan was to go to Paradise Beach tonight for a beach party being a wednesday night but we decide against it as were not up for it.

We decided to head to Nikos for our last night meal but when we arrive outside of Nikos we notice that its quite pack and head to the restaurant opposite Nikos. Note we had a drama with this restaurant last year when one of us tried checking out the menu and got gropped by the waiter.

So we walk into the restaurant and settle down at a table. This place is also quite packed. We decide to order a oven baked lamb pasta and a Greek salad. When the waiter comes to take our order we tell him what we want and he recommends that we have the house speaciality salad which comes with different veggies and a remarkable sauce. In fact he practically insists that we don't argue but simply accept the salad.

When the waiter leaves Nagasaki questions on how much the salad was. Both of us don't remember the price and the waiter has taken our menus so we can't check. The waiter brings our food and we are extremely hungry and polish everything in front of us. Feeling satisfied we ask for the bill. When the bill arrives we practically grab the salad bowl to throw back into the kitchen. They are charging us 9 Euros for a salad, which is practically 18 Au. The salad was more expensive than our pasta. We only paid 7.50 Euros for the pasta/Lamb.

Feeling screwed we pay a total of 30 Euros for our dinner aka 60 Au and walk off.

Picture - 9 Euro Salad we had

Picture - 7.50 Euro Pasta Lamb we had

I have to hold on to Nagasaki as a heart attack is on its way after seeing the bill. We some how decide that its our last night and hence our last proper Greek meal in Mykonos. It's time to hit the bar and alcohol to recover.

We head to Mex Cafe for some pre Skan.Bar action. The minute we walk in there we notice a bunch of guys screaming their heads off at the big screen with ciggerates in their mouths. We rush to the bar and I order a white wine to satisfy my needs.

Nagasaki decides to go with cocktails and approaches the bartender and asks him for sex. The bartender screams sex to the other bartender. They both look at Nagasaki and and yell sex.It's all one sex tease at the bar. Apparently Nagasaki ordered sex on the beach but that some how got cut to sex. Obviously people at Mykonos are obessessed with sex.

We grab a seat to watch the soccer with our drinks. The stupid pommy guys were screaming their heads off and using the seats as a trampoline. The guys were smoking the cigarettes like they were good for them. Each guy had like two packets. It reminded me of the bellboy.

The $40 Dollar woman CLAIMS her spot

The last day in Mykonos.... I still don't know how the hell I got out of bed this morning. We both felt like crap and barely got out of bed before midday. Our throats were killing and noses were running. I reckon we caught something off that tart Kylie. Even though we didn't have direct tongue intereaction with you she must have past around some of her disease.

We slowly drag ourselves to a cafe which we became obessessed with in 2004 due to its Greek coffee and order a breakfast feast that we can barely eat. we ended up with a huge king size breakfast thing. I tell Nagasaki that I'm taking pills today and not drinking tonight when I get yelled out that this is our last night in Mykonos and we have to drink.

After breakfast we decide to work off the feast by chasing the peeing dog again only to give up after 30 seconds because we feel like shit. Instead we start shopping for crap we don't need when it occurs to me that I need to buy an oil painting for someone. Hence we both start heading to the $40 dollar woman's shop.

The $40 dollar woman - 2004 RECAP



Ok I don’t even know how to explain this one but this was an incident the minute we stepped into the store. It all started with the obsession to buy oil paintings of Mykonos. It’s beyond me how I was going to take theses home.We stepped into the store and immediately noticed the owner i.e. the $40 dollar woman chewing away as usual. Every time we see this woman she’s chewing on something.

A person can’t possibly be chewing on gum for this long. Were assuming maybe she’s chewing on pieces of food left in her mouth from the night before or her gums.Anyway we ask her for the price of a small painting and she chews at us and responds 15 Euros.

Then we ask her the price of a slightly bigger painting and she chews at us and then responds 40 Euros. My friend decides to buy the 40 Euro painting. We go to the counter to face the music.

My friend pulls out a 50 Euro note to pay for a 15 Euro oil painting. The woman immediately starts panicking and screams “No money… No money”. I wasn’t sure what the hell was going on. For a minute I thought she thought that we were robbing her or something.

In confusion my friend then decides to pull out a 20 Euro. For crying out loud what type of sick person doesn’t pull out the 20 Euros beforehand and save us the whole incident. After handing the money over to the woman she starts to panic again by scream “No No 40 Euros, another 20”.

For crying out loud the woman doesn’t even know the prices for her paintings. Every time we asked her for a price she would wander over chewing in her mouth of course looks at the painting for 40 seconds and then makes up a price for it. What the hell is that about?

Anyway finally we try and explain to her that the smaller painting we wanted to buy she quoted 15 Euros and not 40 Euros. She looks at us like we are a pair of lunatics trying to rip her off and then she starts to smash her hands to her head like 4 or 5 times saying sorry sorry. I was biting my lips to step outside to burst into tears from laughing. The woman is totally insane. This whole Island is full of weird locals.


The $40 dollar woman Strikes again - 2004 RECAP

This one really kills it. Were walking towards the $40 dollar woman’s shop. She’s outside doing something when she spots us coming towards her shop. She runs inside her shop and closes both doors and locks up.

For crying out loud what kind of a sick person sees us coming and closes their shop. She must have been going through her price list before we step back into the shop. Honestly I don’t know what the hell she is on or what the hell she is chewing but that woman has serious issues. Just for spite we went back into her shop that afternoon to buy another painting.Were standing minding our own business trying to select a painting when a light bulb blows up smack bang in our face. For a minute I thought the shop was getting attacked or something. What kind of a sick persons light bulb blows up on us? Were quite lucky the light didn’t explode on us with glass going everywhere.

The $40 dollar woman CLAIMS her spot for 2005!

We discussed whether or not the weeded woman has become the highlight of 2005 but I knew that the $40 dollar woman would reclaim her spot in 2005. This is what happened before hand. We booked all the accomodation for Greece with my credit card, so Nagasaki decided to pay me in Euro's rather than dealing with the conversion rate back at home. So I had huge notes like 100 and 50 Euros on me.

We head towards the $40 dollar woman's shop when Nagasaki takes over the camera and starts filming secreting while holding the camera in hand. All that camera training has paid off finally.
We stroll into the store and head to the back of the shop to check out the oil paintings. This is where it gets confusing. We grab oil paintings and ask the $40 dollar woman how much they are.
After watching the video tape this is what took place.

Scene - $40 Dollar womans shop in Mykonos.

I point to an oil painting.

Me - How much?
$40 Woman - $15
Me - $15?
$4o Woman - Yes $15

Nagasaki decides to put 2 cents in at this stage

N - Did you want that?
Me - I might as well. What about this one?

( I turn to the $40 Woman to ask for a price for a different size oil painting)

Me - How much for this one?

$40 Woman - The same

( The $40 dollar woman walks closer to check out the painting)

$40 Woman - $15
Me - $15?
$40 Woman - $15

(The $40 Woman grabs the painting off my hands and shoves it against the wall to check out the size difference. Honestly what does she think this is? Next thing you know shes going to start weighing the oil paintings like gold to give a price)

$40 Woman - $14
Me - $14?
$40 Woman - $14

(The $40 Woman starts to walk away when I see another oil painting that I like. I point to it and ask her for a price)

$40 Woman - Errrrrrr $14

( She stops and then starts slapping the painting as if she's a butcher cutting up meat)

$40 Woman - Errrrrr $10 $10. I'm sorry. $10

(She's confused and were more confused. So I try and work out what is what)

Me - This one $10, This one $14?

$40 Woman - Same size

(For crying out loud the woman doesnt know her prices)

Me - Ok $10.

After 5 minutes we still didnt know how much what painting was. Some of the paintings had prices scribbed on them in pencil but everytime we asked her for a price she either said an amount bigger or less. Seriously the woman has no idea about her prices what so ever.

I decide to get the $10 painting to end all of this. The plan was to pull out the 100 Euros to her but when I open my wallet I notice I only have a 50 Euro. I forgot the day before the exchange woman broke it into two 50's for me.

So I hand over the 50 Euros and this was the response I got:

$40 Woman - SssshhhhhhhhhUUUUURrrrrrrrrPPPPPPPPP with her saliva. It was like she was a vacuum cleaner sucking out the air.

$40 Woman - No moore money?

Me - (Thinking she's asking me for more money) No more Money?

$40 Woman - This one too many ( She points to the streets) More shops

Me - No money?

$40 Woman - No. No. I'm sorry

(At this stage I'm about to burst out laughing when I try and step back and hide in the back of the shop)

N- I might have $10 or $15 in my wallet. How a look

I manage to grab Nagasaki's wallet some how after it gets pulled out. Becuase Nagasaki is trying to film the whole situation, the focus is on keeping the camera in place. The $40 Woman must think that Nagasaki is disabled or something. Why the hell am I going through a wallet. I manage to find change and we pay the $40 Woman for the painting. She thanks us and opens her cash register to put the money in. Well she doesnt have a cash register but a draw which she opens and throws the 10 euros in and closes it shut. She's made budget for the week.

We storm out of the shop and I can feel my lips being soooooo sore from biting on them to avoid a laughing fit in the shop. We run all the way to Skan. Bar to plant ourselves down to rewatch the footage we have. We got awesome footage to which we start laughing about at the stairs of Skan. Bar with tourist staring at us.

We have closure! She has reclaimed her spot for 2005!

The Retired Family

After a brief recap session I actually realised that the Retirement tour that came into Skan. Bar was infact one HUGE family. Apparently there was like 10 or 12 of them. There was the son and daughter, the only ones being under the age of 25. As well as their parents, grandparents and uncle and aunties. This is ridicoulous! Who takes their entire family to Mykonos for crying out loud. Couldn't these people find a noice resort to go to?

After nearly killing the grandfather who had to walk up thoses flight of stairs, they caused a scene at the bar apparently when getting drinks. I think the grandparents were complaining about how loud the music was and they were going deaf even though they were deaf.

I missed this part some how in my drinking rampage but apparently they walked out of the bar and caused a scene on the balcony demanding their money back. There was a huge scruffle outside on the balcony with the bouncer and ticket collector. They eventually got their money back and left before the grandfather had a stroke due to the loud music.

Back to Kylie, I forgot to note that it would be cleaner to lick the entire floor of Skan. Bar rather than have your tongue in her throat. As Nagasaki puts it, its cleaner to lick the toilet seat than kiss Kylie. I'm disgusted with KYLIE!!!

Retirement Bar with Kylie's tongue

We head back to the apartment for our afternoon siesta and decide to hit the Greek pastry before our nap. We take a bite each and practically vomit it out. This is disgusting. I'm not eating this shit. We slam it into the bin before preparing for a nap. We should have used it to peg it at some guy riding his motorcycle down the alley.

Were hitting the sack when Nagasaki notices a HUGE footprint on the bed sheets. Its like someone went out of their way to leave their footprint behind. Could it be Johnny leaving us a sign? Does he want us to follow his footprints?

We try napping with the bloody window open again and because my bed was closest to the bathroom all I could smell was Nagasak's washed laundry in there. There was no window in the bathroom which meant the clothes were stinking up the apartment.

We wake up from our nap and prepare for another night in Mykonos. I don't think we have done anything constructive since being here but chasing locals and peeing dogs around the island. We decide to head to the pizza place again from last night since I think the pizza is yummy.

We do our usual lap around town before entering the restaurant. We walk in to only be caught up in a screaming match. There was this couple standing near the stairway arguing about seafood. Apparently they got screwed and got over overcharged for their meal. They were arguing about the fact that they got charged for the price on the menu as well as the weighing price of the seafood. God I dont think anyone should have seafood in Greece. It always brings a huge delimma.

This tantrum went on as we waited to be seated before the couple stormed out of the restaurant nearly taking us with them in that mad rush. We finally get seated again upstairs in the roof top and flick through the menu.

We decide to do our pizza and white wine. An hour later I'm demanding more white wine. Hence I realise that since being in Mykonos I've developed a wine obessession. I can't get enough of the stuff. After a satifying meal we decide to hit the bars around town again. We decide to try something different tonight and locate a bar called "Down Under".

Were standing outside when Kylie's "Can't get you out of my mind" starts playing. We throw ourselves into the bar and onto the dancefloor. This is the first time we have been here and hence the Introduction of Kylie and Pierre.

Let me just explain this. We don't actually know their names so we thought we would label them Kylie and Pierre. Kylie because Kylie was playing and Pierre because he was dressed in a striped jumper. We stood there watching theses two on the dancefloor. They were practically preforming a sex show. We couldn't believe it. They might as well stripped each other and had sex smack bang in front of us. God some people should just get a room together. After this sex show Nagasaki yells "We have to get out of here". So we storm off to head to the water front for some relaxing view. I think we spent more time freezing our asses off due to the wind than enjoying the view.

After a few minutes I had enough of the view and wanted more wine. Hence back to our roots the Skan. Bar. We lined up at the stairs and pay for our ticket slash drink at the door and storm to the bar. It was still early and there werent many people in the bar. This reminds me of 2004. We grab our drinks and plant ourselves on the couches waiting for people to show up.

Next thing you know an entire retirement home crashes the bar. What the hell is happening. A group of old bags enter the bar. I think it was a tour group but come one who goes clubbing at the age of 60? Seriously imagine my parents going clubbing at their age. This was a joke. One of the old guys nearly had a heart attack climbing the stairs into the bar. They rushed him over to the couches. You can tell they all looked uncomfortable to be there but hey its an experience for them I guess.

For a minute I got a an image of me coming to Mykonos at that age and trying to dance in Skan. Bar. Omg that is sooooo wrong. I better not do that. I think soon they realise that the loud music is too much for them. Seeing its like midnight, its way past their bedtime. They have their free drink at the bar, probably getting them all tipsy and horny before they all struggle out of the bar. Thank god they all left before the bar got packed. They would need an hour and a half fighting the crowd to leave. By this time I need more wine.

The music starts pumping and I'm ready to dance the night away. Were shaking it on the dancefloor when Johnny storms into the bar. YEAH the night just got interesting. He starts to walk over when we toss ourselves to the otherside of the dancefloor.

At that moment we witness Kylie and Pierre stroll through the doors. This should be good. Another sex show and Johnny. We might as well sat down as Kylie and Pierre declared the dancefloor as their stage. The entire dancefloor not that its big was taken over by them. God forbid if we went anywhere near them, we would have an arm smack us in the eye.

We dance noticing that Kylie and Pierre have started their sex show again. Its full on tongue action as if they are in their own privacy. God they sure make you feel uncomfortable around them. After a few minutes Kylie has enough of having her tongue sucked by Pierre. She tosses him aside and the next thing we notice is Kylie having some tongue action with a different guy. Before Pierre could say anything Kylie switches to another guy. In that 30 sec swap, Kylie once again has her tongue in some other guys mouth.

We notice Pierre get the shits so he grabs the first chick in front of him and shoves his tongue down her throat. Let me just say Nagasaki is lucky. It could be Nagasaki right now. I suppose one should be greatful for being in the right place at the right time. While Pierre is trying to make Kylie jealous she has moved on to the fourth guy and is tonguing him.

I don't think Kylie notices Pierre sucking some other chicks tongue because she moves onto the next guy and then the next guy and then the next guy and then the next guy and then the next guy and then the next guy before she grabs my ass. Feeling sick with the fact she had her tongue down practically every guy here I avoid eye contact and tongue contact only to run into some guy who thinks I ran into him on purpose. This somehow calls for "grab my ass" mate reaction. For fucks sake my ass just got grabbed twice in less than 30 seconds. I think Kylie and Pierre's sex show is making everyone horny in here tonight. God we should really get out of here.

You know what. If the retired old guys stayed, they would of probably got some tongue action from Kylie. I don't think she cared as long as she had a tongue in her mouth the whole time. I don't care as long as she doesn't have my tongue. I'll probably catch some virus off her.

The bar was packed at this stage. I think everyone heared about Kylie being here so they rushed over for some tongue action. The problem started here. Everytime we moved on this bloody dancefloor Kylie would some how end up next to us. Shoving her body against us while tonguing the current volunteer. It was impossible to move anywhere without her being next to us. I don't know how much more I could possibly take.

With Kylie shoving on one side and Pierre watching and shoving on the other the dancefloor got extrmely uncomfortable. This is when we noticed that some of the chicks were wearing scrafs. Who fucken wears a scraf in summer? This was amusing for a second until we noticed that one chick decided to make a fashion statement by rolling one of her pant legs up. Walking around the bar with jeans with one side rolled up to her knee. What is wrong with theses people. Either do one or wear nothing woman.

The freak show was enough. We seriously had to get out of here. Trying to walk out the bar while running into Kylie every step took a lot out of us. We finally walk out to notice that Kylie is pashing some guy again.

We walk to a pitta shop not to have pitta at bloody 3am but to shove some lemonade down our throats. Nagasaki shoved two cans down. Before Nagasaki can pee we rushed to make some calls to Sydney.

Luckly we filmed this process as I forgot who we called but it was the first time we had a conversation with Cherry without screaming and hanging up. We had a brief convo with Amy. God I missed that annoying voice. Before Some inconsiderate bitch hung up on us. The wanker Tze had no idea what we were yelling about and when we got to Matt he demanded a souvenier from Mykonos. We told him we would shove it up his ass. What kind of sick person demands a souvenier from him. The only thing he would get is kylie tongue chopped off by me and given to him as a christmas present.

After all this action I think we hit the sack after 4am.

God I need more wine...

The $40 dollar woman STRIKES again!

After our interview with the peeing dog where we got basically no comment answers we start doing more laps around the Mykonos town and came across a store hidden in the back alleys of Mykonos selling 360 degrees panaramic photos of Mykonos.

We get excited at the fact that there are painting of Mykonos painted on pieces of wood which look great but unfortunately we can't take wood back to our country. We then flick through some of the photos when we spot a photo of the $40 dollar woman posing in one. This is an immediate disaster. We get obessessed with this painting and know that we don't want to waste money buying it but we should take a photo of it when the guy isn't looking.

Picture - The photo of the photo of the $40 dollar woman

The minute we succeed we race to the $40 dollar womans shop in xcitement. We arrive outside of her bloody shop to notice that she has closed shop again. How the hell does this woman stay in business if she closes shop every 5 minutes.

This is when Nagasaki decides to stick her face in the window to have a peep inside only to come face to face with the $40 dollar woman. Before I can say a word we both storm off after we realise the $40 dollar woman is inside. Having our usual laughing fit with the fact that Nagasaki got busted by ther $40 dollar woman we head towards our apartment for a nap.

Before our afternoon nap it was time for a noice meal. We shoved a pitta roll down our throats like no tomorrow before heading into a pastry shop for desert We walk into this pastry shop which we have been wanting to try since 2004 and order a one of thoses yummy Greek pastries "Galaktoboureko".

The woman who is serving us was mopping the floor preparing for her afternoon siesta. She reaches to get us a pastry when she some how manages to get a serviette stuck to it. For crying out loud woman, I don't want to eat paper. She some how tries getting it off only to get it stuck to her hand. It was one whole Serviette mess. She got all stuck and tangled that we had to assit her to receive our desert. For crying out loud woman, all we wanted was desert not the serviette served on top.

We decide to check our emails before our afternoon nap in the internet cafe we used the other day. While in the internet cafe I realise that the photo's Nagasaki uploaded onto a CD the other day is saved on the computer still. OMG i soon realise that my laughing fit which Nagasaki caught on camera has been sitting on this computer for days. For all I know they would probably have daily screening of me laughing about nothing.

I point this out to Nagasaki when we realise that one of the computers has a wallpaper that looks very familar. This is when we both realise that its our photo that we took. The bastard at the internet cafe is using our photos as wallpaper. Now I know why they are cheaper than the photo shop downstairs. They steal people's photos and make them wallpaper. This is ridiculous. What kind of a sick person steals our photos. Better still I wander who has my mpeg of my laughing fit now. NAGASAKI YOU SCREWED ME OVER!!!!

Nagasaki checks the other screens for their wallpapers and we delete our file from the computer before storming off.

FOR FUCKS SAKE@!!! I'm probably being distrubited around Kazza. This is worst than having a porn video of yourself distributed!

Interview with the PEEING DOG

We leave the alcohol store only to see the running slash peeing dog of Mykonos. This dog has to be on some drug. Everytime we see him, his running around the island and pissing all over it. Like you would. I don't think I saw this dog stand still for more than one second.

So we spot him running around again and we immediately start chasing him, while pulling out our cameras. Our aim was to interview him, well try at least. This dog was fully gym trained. He had more energy than both of us put together.

Picture - The peeing dog searches for Cherry in the bushes

We spend the next few minutes chasing him around the island. If anyone saw us they must think what a bunch of idiots. We must have looked funny chasing a dog. We slowly reach the dog when I try and ask him What he think's of Cherry?

The response I get, He lifts his leg and pisses everywhere and starts running again. This was the only comment we got. I suppose he wants to piss on Cherry. The dog starts running again so we start to run again. Who bloody runs after a dog seriously? I think there must have been some hash cookies in our breakfast this morning.

Picture - The peeing dog tries sniffing Cherry's where abouts. Cherry where are you?

We continue to chase the dog when I try and question him again if he thinks Cherry is hot. Before I finish my sentence the peeing dog lifts his leg again and pisses. Cherry I tried but the only response we got from our mate here was that he wants to piss all over you. If I were you I would stay clear of Mykonos in the future. Its going to be one hell of a peeing experience for you. You're going to get pissed on the minute you walk off that ferry. By the time you hit the hotel you will be covered in piss head to toe. It seems our friend the peeing dog has it in for you. I suppose this is what happens after having a fling with Petros smack bang in his face. You lying cheating dog teaser...

Moral of the story - Don't stay in Mykonos too long, a peeing dog becomes amusing!

Searching for the Supermarket

After the Asians got kicked out of the cafe, we hit the coffee like no tomorrow. Sucked in to them. Stupid inconsiderate bitches. They think they can come to this island and run the place. They should all be shot one by one by the waiter for disturbing the public.

During our coffee break, we make a decision to keep searching for Johnny's supermarket. Don't ask me why. Its something we had to do. I'm telling you its this bloody island. You start doing weird things.

Wandering around town we come across that bloody bakery from last year. The bakery screwed us over and practically sent us bankcrup last year. We spent over $20 at that bakery last year for a handful of biscults that tasted like pedros's shit.

Feeling frusturated by this we walk past a store that has gay magazines spread out. This is when I get the maddest idea to buy a gay magazine, to rip out pages from and mail it back to people in Sydney for a laugh. Thoses inconsiderate people in Sydney need to suffer and what better way. Nagasaki starts throwing a tantrum that I shouldn't be harrassing our friends at home. To hell with that. They should all suffer for making me suffer for years. I get talked out of buying the magazine and distributing it to the lunatics at home.

Next stop was this store that had theses amazing sculptures of the island. Its beyond me what we were doing stopping at all theses places when we were supposed to be looking for Johnny. We walk into this store and we see this awesome sculpture of a typical Mykonos house with all the details to it. Thinking this would be something great to take home, we ask the guy how much it is.

The guy responds by saying "Its very cheap". We get excited thinking we should buy one each. We ask again how much exactly when he blurts out 60 Euros. We practically choke on his words. Thats almost $120 AU for this sculpture. We can't leave the store quick enough.For fucks sake why don't you ask for my kidney mate? We wait for the guy to turn around before we bolt out of the store. Its beyond me why we didnt rip it out of the wall and run out with it seriously.

After this shock we bolt into the nearest alcohol shop to only discover a gigantic dog looking after the store behind the counter. We walk around checking out the alcohol with no service attendant only this fascinating dog ready to serve us behind the counter.


I wander how the hell this dog would put our sale through?

Dreams come true

Its way too early in the morning.... We some how decide to get up and drag ourselves to have breakfast next to the 24hour cafe. At this stage I can still feel the Vodka and OJ from space bar, even though I had alittle bit of it. Feeling half asleep we decide to order breakfast and some how end up with a feast.

It was meant to be a simple order, Nagasaki decided to skip breakkie again and have lunch with pasta. I wanted the breakfast menu which came with Coffee, toast, ham and cheese crossiant and juice on top. I wanted to explain to the waitress that I don't eat ham and if I can have the crossiant with cheese and tomato instead. This is where it got complicated. A simple instruction turned into a breakfast nightmare.

The waitress approached us and we ordered the above. The waitress than informed us that they have no crossiants left. Shock horror! So I try and explain that I don't want ham. She gets confused, I get confused, 15 minutes later I end up with a whole plate of cheese and tomato sandwiches along with toast, coffee and OJ.

Hitting into our feast I decide to explain this weird dream I had last night to Nagasaki.

The night before I had a dream that Nagasaki and I were walking along the Mykonos town streets talking about how the $40 dollar woman was missing. There were 2 soldiers in front of us who overheared the entire conversation and asked us who was missing. They took us to the police station to do a report, but because we didn't know the $40 dollar womans name we had to take them to the shop.

This is when we find out that the $40 dollar woman has been arrested for fraud. They then question us on why we wanted to find her. We tell them that we wanted to buy oil paintings from her store. They open the shop for us and we ran in like lunatics and start arguing over three oil paintings that we didn't even want. Somewhere along there I wake up and realise THIS IS A SIGN!!!

We both agree that this is a sign and decide to head over to the $40 dollar womans shop to see if she's open. She's been closed since we arrived so we don't have much hope of her opening shop.

Camera's in one hand we head to the $40 dollar woman's shop. Were a few metres away from her shop when we spot one of her shop doors open. We shove each other out of the way as if we are competing in a marthon and storm towards the shop in a mad panic. As we approach the shop the $40 dollar woman walks out and we nearly run smack bang into her sending her across the town centre.

To avoid a collision we take a VERY sharp left and head down the narrow alley towards the water front cafe which is called Little Venice. We stand there admiring the view and pretend to take photos while we are secretly watching the $40 dollar woman. We notice that she's closing her doors again.We panic at the thought that she's closing shop again. We start to plot in the alley. Nagasaki grabs the camera and walks up and down her shop trying to take random pictures of the $40 dollar woman without making it obvious.

This alley became like the most significant place on earth for us. The $40 dollar woman noticed that we were stirring something and kept opening and closing her doors. Who keeps opening and closing her shop. She must of been indecisive on whether to open or not. Even that or she remembered us from last year. Recap from 2004 - She closed the shop when she saw us walking towards it.

This was a huge tease for crying out loud. Who opens and closes their door fifty times teasing us like that. The $40 dollar woman is a shop teaser. She teases you on whether she's opening or closing her shop. If you want a good tease, go to the $40 dollar woman!

So the next 10 minutes we watched her and she watched us. She kept walking in and out of the shop. We kept walking up and down her shop.

At one stage she went into the sarong shop next to her after closing her shop but came back to her shop to re-open.

After the whole fuss we managed to capture her on our camera and felt satisfied. One more down in the photos department.

After this satisfying moment it was now time to track down our mate Johnny who worked at a supermarket. We stroll to the otherside of the town where Johnny claims he works. The night we had coffee with him he pointed towards a super maket. For some stupid reason we deicide to patrol the streets until we find this supermarket. Things I have to do for Nagasaki. We kept wandering into supermakets with our cameras trying to find the correct one to get a picture of Johnny.

The Cafe Kickout

After an hour we collapse at the cafe we had coffee with Johnny. We have failed our mission. I think we have hit every super market in town and my legs are killing. We manage to settle down in this cafe for some peace and quiet.

Well that only happened for a split second when a bunch of Asians that were set on loose started to cause a scene behind us. There was a huge group of them complaining about something. They were causing a fuss about something. We find out that the waiter is trying very hard to take the order only for the Asians to winge about everything.

Mind you theses group of asian were older than my parents. Its beyond me what they were doing at Mykonos. They were practically yelling at the poor waiter who was trying to take their order. Apparently one of them was trying to order a cuppucino with alittle froth while another lunatic was trying to order an iced coffee with little ice cubes rather than big ice cubes.

Apparently the big ice cubes make the coffee too cold. This is when the waiter cracks and starts grabbing their menu while yelling "THANK YOU! BYE BYE!!" The stupid Asians got kicked out of the cafe for being annoying. They all got up and stormed out muttering something. They should all be slapped and tossed out of that cafe, Stupid inconsiderate people, holding up our order.

We sat at the cafe planning our next move...

The night just began BUT we have to get out of here

So we head into Skan. Bar for a second night of adventure where Nagasaki runs to the bar for a singapore sling. I try and find myself a spot to settle down in to relax and let the night begin. Once again the bar is packed and the music is up to date unlike last years DJ. We soon get into the swing of things and head to the dancefloor. Dancing away we notice someone.

Introducing the Freaky Guy 2005. This guy just stood behind us in the middle of the dancefloor the entire time. He didn't attempt to dance. He refused to move to the side. He just stood there starring at people. Who the hell stands in the middle of a dancefloor for crying out loud. I could have understood him standing at the bar or on the side but the dancefloor? This guy was a freak.

We continue to dance ignoring this freak when our best mate Johnny strolls into the bar. This is the moment I've been waiting for. With my camera in my pocket this is the night we will get closure. Eventually Johnny strolls over to say hi and I ask him to take a photo of Nagasaki and me. This was a gr8 plan as we switch the cameras and I get a photo of Johnny and Nagasaki and then finally Johnny and I get a picture. After this commotion, I'm happy to hit the bar and enjoy my closure.

Handing over Nagasaki to Johnny I stroll over to the bar to order my self a reward. Sitting at the bar and enjoying the fact that Nagasaki is getting more than bargained for I soon realise that I need a new foot.

To stop Nagasaki stomping onto my feet I decided to get a Singapore sling and shove it across. The next half an hour was the best TV show in history. Everytime Johnny boy went in for the kill Nagasaki started sucking on the straw. Oh you gotta love theses Mykonos moment. The fact Johnny had his hands rubbing up and down, practically sucking off Nagasaki's face.

Picture - Johnny

THE PARTY HAS JUST BEGAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAs anyone watched Melrose Place? Well the next half an hour is MELROSE. Johnny storms off to the toilet because he has to pee apparently. This gives Nagasaki a noice break until I notice Johnny trying to pick up some other chick across the dancefloor. It seems Johnny got the picture that Nagasaki wasn't putting out and decided to try with this other chick. Nagasaki feeling happy about this choice starts practically bellydancing in the bar when Johnny strolls back to us. It seems that Johnny failed on the otherside and is now crawling back here.

Nagasaki steps into panic mode and screams "We have to get out of here". We race to grab our jackets before departing the bar. Its like the easter show festival in here. We have to throw people off us to get to the door. I have no idea why I'm leaving but I'm following for the hell of it.

Picture - Space Bar during the day from the outside

We start strolling around town trying to decide what to do when we decide to head to Space bar. Nagasaki had a free pass but I would have to pay for it and seeing as Johnny said it was a popular bar we head towards Space Bar. We arrive outside to realise we can't hear any music and theres a group of people standing outside who we later realise its the bouncers.

We walk up to the bouncers and Nagasaki hands over the free pass where as I have to pull out 10 Euros for this night. We walk through the doors and finally start to hear the music. We enter the bar to realise space bar has plenty of space. Now I know why this bar is called Space. There's limited amount of people in here. I think you can count them. This was Skan. Bar in 2004. Even though the bar was huge in size, the amount of people in the bar were limited.

Picture - The Bar at Space Bar

My pass came with a free drink after all I did pay 10 Euros to come in here. This is when I stress I paid 10 Euros and need to head to the bar to get my drink. We race to the bar and I order a vodka OJ. I think they must have put a teaspoon of OJ in there. The rest was vodka. I think their theory was if they get you drunk on the first drink you will stay in the bar and continue drinking. It was way tooo strong. This is when Nagasaki starts yelling "We have to get out of here". I scream back "No, were staying, I paid 10 Euros for this shit". So Nagasaki grabs my drink and tries drinking it but realises its way too strong.

We move to the side to watch people and realise no ones dancing much to our disgrace. We turn around to notice that we are starring into the womans toilets. Let me explain this. The womans toilets which was practically facing the dancefloor has a glass wall in front with a touch of frosted glass bit to cover the inside. We stare at the womans toilet to notice some bitch wandering around in there in her bikini. We were not sure if it was her bikini or underpants. Now this was worth 10 Euros.

We were checking out the chicks in the toilet when Nagasaki asked when we were leaving. I replied back when I finish my drink. Hoping to take my time and have a perve, Nagasaki grabs my drink off me and sculls the entire glass practically. I watch in amazement thinking if I did that my kidney would burn as hell. Nagasaki slams the glass down and yells "We have to get out of here".

So we storm out of another club and start cruising the streets like we are crusing in a car. Its left turns here and right turns there until we find Mykonos Bar. We take a peep inside to realise the music is great and theres a crowd. We rush in and throw ourselves onto the dancefloor.

Wait I didnt have to pay for this bar - even better. We start dancing our asses off and they have the new rnb stuff we need. The bar is mixed. You can tell theres alot of gay people here as well as st8 but that doesnt bother us and we start to get really into it WHEN they suddenly decide to CUT the music. It was simple, they just cut the music in the middle of a song. It was like Sydney cutting Nelly "Its getting hot in here" short. However this time they completely cut the music, there was no song following. Was it a technical problem? We dont know. People started moving off the dancefloor to stand on the side when Nagasaki grabbed me and yelled "We have to get out of here". Like WTF? Why cant we just stay at a bar. We were practically left standing on the dancefloor alone with no music. So we did what anyone would. Ran out of the bar in search of another.

We raced back to Skan.bar only to notice a huge queue on the stairs. We couldn't be bothered waiting in the queue.

This was all too much action for us and we thought we should call it a night but first we needed to make a few abusive calls home. Feeling satisfied we head back to the apartment and fall asleep around 4am.

The Morning After...

Ohhhhhhhhh ITS TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING!!!!

Some how we decide to get up around 10am for breakfast realising it's way too early in the morning. We practically went to bed when the sun came out and that bloody coffee didn't help as well. I was lying in bed with my heart skipping beats. I don't know how Nagasaki was feeling. Double Greek coffee is demanding no sleep.

Once again we had to leave the window open so that we don't die of lack of air. Smack bang in the morning a group of dogs decided to have a mother's meeting in front of our window followed by a group orgy. As if this wasn't enough it was a motorcyle drag race up and down our alley. I was ready to jump out of bed with a baseball bat and smack someone in the face as they were riding their motorcyle down the alley way through our window. It would have been a great baseball game for me.

With lack of sleep we manage to stroll down to the water to have breakfast. We find a cafe to plant down in and I'm half asleep looking through the menu. I think I order something like Chocolate banana crepes and Nagasaki decides to have lunch instead of breakfast with Spaghetti.

We spent the next half an hour waiting for our breakfast when the table next to us throws a huge tantrum at the waiter because their order was not processed. Next thing you know they storm off and were left there to eat their dust. After a long wait our breakfast arrives. Soon we need to discuss what last night was about but we just can't bring ourselves to start.

We soon discuss the psycho Asian chick. I swear this chick was dancing as if she was madonna's backup dancer. The only problem, she had no idea how to dance. No guy wanted to approach her or dance with her. It was like she was having some sort of fit on the dancefloor. Hence if you don't want to get picked up you should dance like her.

After this long discussion covering the Asian woman, Johnny wanting a threesome, the straw guy, cocaine guy and Tony the hard italian it was time to face day two in Mykonos.

The XCHANGE WOMAN

Our first morning stop was of course our $40 Dollar woman. Unfortunately she was closed shop again. Feeling shitty about the fact that we have no one to harrass we decide to check out the exchange office for the excange woman. We approach the shop and decide not to go in if its the fat guy who nearly shitted his guts out. We manage to grab a glimspe of the exchange woman and race into the office as if they are giving away free money.

The minute we approach the exchange woman, she remembers us. Like WTF? We must have unforgetable faces. We have a noice chat to her and she questions us on where we are staying and how much we are paying. It seems that she can do us a deal if we EVER decide to come back to Mykonos. She gives us her email and we rush out on a high as she remember us. To hell with it I would remember us. Oh somewhere in between we manage to take a secret photo of her for our records.

Picture - Xchange Woman

After being on such a high special thanks to the xchange woman we head back to the apartment to get changed for the beach. We arrive into the apartment and its every man for himself. We storm out of the apartment in a mad rush to get to the bus stop because Nagasaki thinks the bus is about to leave.

We arrive at the bus stop and jump onto a bus only to be told by the bus driver that we have to go to a store to buy bus tickets to Paradise beach. Realising this is totally bullshit as we didn't have to do this last year we decide to follow his instructions.

We walk into the nearest shop near the bus stop to buy tickets and end up in a queue behind two people. We end up waiting and waiting because the prick at the first counter is trying to order vodka and OJ but is arguing over something. Its early in the morning and this guys already hitting the bottle. Apparently the argument was that he wanted more vodka than OJ.

Someone should have smashed the bottle of Vodka on his head and see how he liked that. Stupid wanker maded us wait for like 15 minutes just so that he can get smashed. What kind of an inconsiderate lunatic keep me waiting when the bus is about to pull out. I was waiting for Nagasaki to reach into his throat and pull out his kidney and hand it to me as a reward. Moving right along we finally reach the woman at the counter and purchase our tickets and rush back onto the bus.

We manage to plant ourselves down on the seat when we notice this couple walk in and smack bang purchase bus tickets from the bus driver. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT? What kind of a sick person makes me go to all that effort if you could purchase them on the bus. Feeling annoyed and frustruated we sit there trying very hard not to think about the bus driver screwing us over.

We arrive at Paradise beach and the bus driver should consider himself lucky as I walk off the bus without swearing at him. The minute we get to Paradise Beach we decide we should plant ourselves on a beach chair and pass out. Realising its still too early in the morning I think we manage to get some sleep on the beach while some of us tried very hard getting a tan. After a while we notice that the beach is over run by trannies. I dont think Ive seen so many in my life.
Its like the mardigra here at the beach today.

For some reason we decide to get up from the beach and head back into town. After a brief nap one needs to eat. So what better way than hop back onto a bus to Mykonos town. When we arrive its pitta rolls again before we head to the apartment for a nap.

I think we were only up for a few hours before we slept on the beach. Following the beach we were only up for an hour before hitting the sack again. After a few good hours we manage to drag ourselves from bed to prepare for dinner. I know it sounds like all we do at Mykonos is eat and sleep. Well it is but thats not the point anyway.

Before dinner we decide to race to the $40 dollar womans shop to see if she's back in town. Once again the shop is closed and we are disappointed. We do our usual lap around the town before heading to this pizza place for some dinner. We walk into this pizza shop and the waiter takes us upstairs. The top of the pizza place is basically a roof top. You can barely stand straight without hitting your head. You have to bend down as your walking. We sit at a table and browse through the menu. Were not starving but feel alittle hungry.

We order a mushroom bruschetta as an entree and that was a entire meal itself. We also ordered one pizza and a tomato salad, which came with a basket of bread and some dip oil.

Picture - The mushroom Bruschetta as entree

I think I was full by the entree when the pizza and tomato salad came. Now let me explain this tomato salad. Here I was thinking it would be a salad with lettures, tomato and possibly olivies with dressing. Instead we get a plate of peeled tomato's slammed onto our table. There was a total of 3 olivies decorated around it. Who orders a plate of tomato's? This was another one of our great ideas to try and save money. Instead of ordering the Greek salad we ordered the tomato salad and only got tomatos only.

After munching away on the entree and tomato salad we managed to make room for the pizza. Since the entree and tomato salad took up all the room on the table, we tried reshuffing the table and almost dropped a bottle from the balcony we were on, on top of some waiter. Luckly we have quick reflex actions and stopped this before it happened.

The pizza was absoultely YUMMY. I remember the base and crust being so smooth and soft and soooo yummy. If I wasn't too full I would have finished the pizza on my own.

Feeling extremely satisfied we decide to head for a few laps around town. We are heading towards our apartment way when we notice that our best mate who wanted a threesome last night sitting at a cafe. While Johnny was sitting at this cafe we decided this was the perfect moment to get photos of him for closure. While Nagasaki stood in the middle of the street we tried taking several photo's of him only to be disappointed by the outcome. Everytime I took a picture it turned out blurry. I hate my night shot, it never comes out picture perfect.

Trying to be not too obvious we obviously cause a scene in the middle of the street with the camera before storming off. Somewhere along the line, Nagasaki scores a free pass to Space bar so we decide to check out the bar even though I have to pay for it.

We continue our lap when we run smack bang into the hard Italian guy, who is working on the streets for a living. He has his own stall well a blanket and a few items trying to braid people hair and give them hair extensions. We spend the next 15 minutes walking up and down his stall to try and get his photo for our records and of course we fail again due to the night shot.

We continued to walk around when we ran into Johnny again. Nagasaki decided to snob Johnny off and entered the first store and pretended to shop while I got stuck outside and caught eye contact with Johnny. Johnny waved at me to go over to him. Standing there alone it was abit hard to try and pretend I didn't see him as he was smack bang in my face.

So I walk over and Johnny's sitting at this cafe with a friend. He introduces me to his friend and I get the immediate feeling that his friend is flirting with me with a huge grin on his face. His smiling so bad that his about to fall over from smiling at me so much. We strike up a brief conversation as we are quite limited on what we can talk about.

Finally Nagasaki walks out and notices I am with Johnny. Nagasaki walks over and the moment just got more awkward. Johnny asked if we were going to Skan. Bar tonight and we tell him we are checking out Space bar. He mumbles something and we walk off. Nagasaki is packing it as it was quite awkward once again. We soon realise that Johnny was trying to set me up with his mate. First he wanted a threesome with me and now his pimping me off to his mates. GOD that guy has some issues.

Walking and bagging out Johnny we find ourselves waiting in front of the $40 dollar womans shop only to be disappointed again. This time feeling annoyed we decide to go next door and ask why the hell this woman isn't opening up shop in the middle of peak season. We walk into the sarong shop next door and I ask why the shop next door is not open.

I get told " I don't know, Sometimes open, sometimes no open".

We practically storm out of the shop stressing that this woman wont open shop while we are here. She must know we are on the island.

For stress relief we head to Skan. Bar where the night begins BUT we have to get out of here...