ONE HELL OF A TRAIN RIDE TO LA SPEZIA...

We woke up this morning to prepare for our own trip to La Spezia. We had pre-planned to catch a train from Rome to La Spezia in order to sightsee Cinque Terre. Cinque Terre was a place in Italy that we had heard so much about. It’s five villages linked closely together with amazing views and houses. We had read about it, we had heard about it therefore we knew we had to see it for ourselves.

After much argument as to which village to stay in we decided to avoid staying at the villages and to stay in La Spezia town. La Spezia is a 2 minute train ride to the first village - Riomaggiore.

We packed our suitcases and headed downstairs. We ran into cabbage Patch in the lobby who gave us the cold shoulder. Cabbage Patch was always cheerful in the morning but for some reason she seemed distant and uncaring today. Either she was disgusted with our tip or has been up since crack of dawn shifting the tour group to the airport that she couldn't give a shit anymore.


We continued walking to the breakfast room and to our surprise half the tour group were settled at a table munching away on their breakfast. So much to all the goodbyes we said last night. Here we are still surrounded by these people. I must admit I do miss Diane, Kath and Good Old. This tour wouldn’t have been the same without them. They were amusing and entertaining. Its funny how you get used to the people around you when you do a tour.

Lucy asked the waitress for two coffees. The waitress turned around & asked her "Americano?" Lucy responded with no, 2 espresso's please. The waitress jumped from joy. It was like we made her whole week by asking for espressos. What the hell is wrong with these people? I supppose all the Amercians wanted filtered coffee and here we are asking for local coffees.

After breakfast we headed back to our room to collect our luggage. We stormed back into the lobby with the suitcases demanding a taxi. The guy behind the counter kindly called a taxi for us. This is it. it’s a finally farewell to all the tour group members and to Rome.


The taxi arrives and we rush outside to shove all the suitcases into the cab. Once we fit all the luggage in, we jump into the cab for a short ride to the train station. What was meant to be a short drive seems to be a very long drive. I start thinking this guy is taking us around the block a few times. Apparently Lucy started thinking the same thing. So were both stressing that were getting ripped off again. We drive around Piazza’s that we have been to and question in our mind if this is the right way to Termini Train Station.


We eventually arrive to Termini train station and it seems right. The entire trip cost about 20 Euros, which is what we had been quoted by Cabbage Patch. We unload the suitcases, pay the cab driver and stroll into the train station.


The new challenge is to locate our train line. Once we do we pre-plan what food and drinks need to be brought before we board the train. We grab a croissant and sandwich each before looking for big bottles of water. Eventually we collate all the necessary items and head over to our train when Lucy sneaks in some bag shopping. Within 5 minutes Lucy has made a purchase and is the proud owner of a new Italian bag.

We arrive to the platform to notice our train parked and unattended. We stand opposite the train waiting for the train doors to open when some random person informs us that the train door we are standing outside of is broken. Apparently there is a sign in Italian communicating this. Since both our Italians are not fluent we do not pick this up. Just as well this guy told us otherwise we would have stood here for hours. Meanwhile the train doors open and everyone is storming inside. We look like the only idiots with 15 bags.

Lucy jumps on the train first as I start passing the suitcases to her. Trust me it sounds easier than it is. Luckily some random guy gives me a hand as I struggle with my suitcase. I cant believe that thing is so heavy.


We start walking down the train to find our carriage. Since our tickets are pre-booked we are given a carriage and seat number. When we locate our carriage we realised there is already 4 people in there and they have taken up most of the luggage space above. One of the guys quickly jump up to make space above when he notices our suitcases. Yes we travel light. Here come the next challenge. Actually lifting the suitcases onto the racks above the people. Knowing my luck I will probably drop one of the suitcases and kill someone in this carriage.

The four nutcases sat there watching us and not moving. We manage to get Lucy’s hand luggage as well as my little hand carry trolley onto the rack. We were pretty limited for space as it is. Now we had to some how manage to lift Lucy's suitcase up onto the rack. Here I was thinking one of the guys would get up and give me a hand but no, poor Lucy had to assist while we tried lifting her 20 kgs plus suitcase onto a rack while 4 nutcases are watching us. It's not like we have room to move in there as well. We eventually manage to slam Lucy's suitcase onto the rack. I should have let go of the 20kg suitcase so it can fall on top of the idiots sitting there. What kind of a sick person doesn't help. By this stage I had sweat rolling off my face.

Now we have my suitcase left. We try lifting this up as well but its too heavy and I realise there is no way we will get this onto the rack. If we do the rack will probably snap in half due to the weight. We drag my suitcase towards our seats. Luckily we have window seats so we can keep the suitcase against the window as well.

Above - Most of the rack is our luggage

Lucy was sitting opposite me. Now let me explain there is hardly any leg room once the suitcase is between us. In fact my left leg is jammed into the wall. This should be an interesting 4 hour train ride.

NV's leg room on the train

How did we end up here? Well let me explain. When we were looking at booking train tickets we ended up arguing over whether to go for first class or economy seats. We chose economy. Not because we are tight but because we had a theory.

I had told Lucy that Josh was gassed and robbed on a train in Europe. Some how we got our stories crossed. I was trying to explain this happened to Josh on a train going to Romania. The poor guy had his money, passport and everything stolen. This freaked Lucy out. She thought this happen to Josh on a train in Italy. So Lucy’s theory was if we go for first class the chairs will be too comfortable and we may fall asleep and get robbed. Instead here we are cramped to death in a small carriage with 4 other random people. There is no chance of us falling asleep. Lucy even stated she would sit on the train with a knife in your hand to protect us. I had a plastic knife in the front pocket of my suitcase if things got nasty. Well I don’t know how much damage a plastic knife can do. LOL

The first hour felt like 5 hours already. Lucy and I kept starring at each other speechless. As mentioned before we had 4 strangers in our carriage. 2 guys and 2 girls. I think they were a family of some sort. The guy next to me started falling asleep. Lucy and I panicked this would rub off on us. Maybe it was his way of making us sleepy. We needed a plan and a plan fast. Lucy pulled out her rose water spray. She apparently buys this in Singapore. Its smells like rose water and you spray it on your face. Its very refreshing and handy in hot humid days. Lucy starts spraying me and the guy next to me jumps up in a panic. I think he thought we were gassing the carriage. I don’t know how we avoided a laughing fit but we did.

Above - the sleeping guy next to me

2 hours later I’m ready to pull out what hair I have left on my head out. Its starting to hit lunchtime so I pull out my croissant and start munching away. The entire carriage then starts pulling out their lunch. I think I just made everyone in the carriage hungry. After my croissant I start munching on my sandwich.

Since everyone in the carriage is awake we decide to stand outside the carriage for a while. We spend a few minutes staring out the window while strenching. This is when we notice CHRISTINE wandering around the train…

CHRISTINE losted on a train

Lucy decides to go to the toilet while I head back in to watch our luggage. Seriously were determined something bad is going to happen on this train. I settled back into seat when Lucy comes strolling back. Apparently there is no water in the toilet and you can see the tracks below the toilet hole. Great this should be interesting. Intrigued by Lucy’s toilet story I decide to check out the toilet later.

3 hours later - I start to get excited as were nearly at the end of the trip. Lucy and I start pre-planning the move to the door and how its going to work. We figure we will move to the door a few stops before and once we reach our stop at La Spezia Lucy will jump out first as I will pass the suitcases to her.


In fact we even decide to time how many minutes the train stops for at one of the stops. According to Lucy’s watch we have approx 2 minutes to get all the suitcases and ourselves off the train. I think that’s plenty of time. Were satisfied with ourselves as we have a plan. Nothing can possible go wrong. Come on 2 minutes to get off the train - that’s plenty of time.


Another half an hour to go and we start questioning how many more stops to La Spezia. The family in our carriage don’t have a lot of English but we manage to communicate with them. Lucy asked the woman next to her how many more stops to La Spezia. She practically swore to us in Italian. None of us really understood what she said but we managed to pick up another 8 or 9 stops.


2 minutes later after the entire family had a chat within themselves in Italian, the guy sitting next to Lucy suddenly tells us that La Spezia is the next stop. In a mad panic Lucy and I stand up and start taking luggage down and out of the carriage. There’s no way we are going to miss this stop. We quickly drag all our luggage to the train door and wait patiently for La Spezia train station to appear.



10 minutes later we notice La Spezia train station as the train slows down. Lucy is near the train door ready to jump off once the doors open. I am standing behind her waiting to pass the first suitcase to her. The train stops. The train door doesn’t open. We noticed the other train doors open as people are walking off.


Lucy starts to panic slamming her hand on this button next to the door for the train doors to open. You see Lucy doesn’t usually panic so when she panicked I panicked. Lucy starts screaming “How do I open this, how does this thing work?”. I’m confused and panicking. Were going to miss our stop. I noticed the door is open on the other carriage through the sliding doors.

I scream to Lucy “Fuck it, lets go through the other door” as I slam on the button for the sliding doors to open. The sliding doors open and I start to drag the suitcases through the gate way when one of them topples backwards and falls onto some woman’s feet. I quickly go to grab the suitcase when the doors start to close. I start screaming thinking I’m going to lose an arm to get a suitcase. Lucy slam her hand onto the sliding door button and the doors open and my arm is rescued however at this point due to her panic she knocked over the other suitcase onto the womans foot.



Meanwhile the woman standing there watching us is yelling something at Lucy in Italian Next thing you know Lucy slams the train door button and the doors actually open. Lucy jumps down as I start to practically throw suitcase after the suitcase while I jump off my hand trolley. Lucy and I pull ourselves to the nearest seat and burst into laughter. What the fuck was that all about? The woman who copped my suitcase on her foot and yelled something at Lucy is poking her head out of the train door starring at us. She’s probably thinking what a bunch of lunatics those two are. Lucy managed to capture a photo of her. I call her our angel. She somehow came into the picture and rescued us. Knowing us we would still be stuck on the train.

We continue laughing for the next 5 minutes at what just happened. I don’t get it. We planned it so well that we had it down to the 2 minutes. How the hell we got trapped inside that train is still beyond me. What is wrong with us? We can't even open a train door.

Our Italian Angel...

We start moving inside the train station when we spot an information office. Lucy goes to investigate how to get to the hotel and Cinque Terre while I stand outside the office. While Lucy is away I meet this Asian couple who are from Sydney.

Lucy comes back to reveal all we have to do is go down a long set of stairs and were at our hotel.
We walk out of the train station, cross the road and see the long set of stairs - FUCK. There's over 50 steps here. It cant be that bad. All we have to do is take it slowly. 10 minutes later we are at the bottom of the stairs. We cross the traffic lights and our hotel is like 50 metres up. We enter the hotel and within minutes we are given a key to our room. The lift is tiny so we have to go up one by one. Lucy goes first to our level. I arrive to the third level to find Lucy confused and lost. All the rooms have 2 digits where as our key is a 3 digit number. Lucy heads back downstairs to ask why I start walking around. Before Lucy comes back up I spot the room in a deserted corner. Lucy opens the room and we start dumping all our luggage. Its already been a long day.


Our room isn’t bad for what we paid for. This place was very reasonable compared to the accommodation in one of the villages. We showered and relaxed for abit. At this point we noticed our air con was broken as well. We couldn’t get that thing to shut off when we decided to head out for dinner. It was luke a fridge in here as it is.

We started walking to the main square of La Spezia. La Spezia is a small town with a few shops and restuarants. It wasn't anything that impressive. In fact Lucy was pretty disgusted with it. LOL

Within minutes we saw our first freak. I think we thought she was homeless at first but then realised she’s a local.

Freak in La Spezia

We then saw our first sign of MYKONOS….





After a short stroll down the shops we decided to grab dinner at one of the restaurants. We immediately placed an order for a bottle of red wine. We needed this after the whole train incident. Were not alcoholics, it’s the circumstances that bring us to the bottle.

Much needed Wine




NV pouring more wine

We order calzones for dinner and snip away on our red wine when we spot a Kath look a like. OMG we miss Kath and her forest…

Chick in pink top = Kath look alike

Before the bill arrives we are completely trashed. In fact we don’t even know how we are going to walk back to the hotel. What the hell is wrong with us? We pay the bill and slowly get up. Lucy grabs onto my arm as we start to stumble towards the hotel. Were totally smashed, giggling and walking all over the place.

We do a minor stop at a supermarket to buy water. We grabbed the first bottles of water we saw. It is later that we discoverd that we brought frizzy water. Eventually we made it back to the hotel in our drunkin stage.

The minute we entered the fridge we start dialling. In time like this we need to call Christine. It takes us over 5 minutes dialling all the number. For fucks sake Christine the effort we have to go for you. We check the time and realise its 3am Sydney time. Its perfect. This is what follows:

Lucy - It’s voicemail I think - CHRISTINE CHRISTINE

Me - Is it her or is it voicemail

Lucy passes the phone to me…

Me - Christine I want to suck your nibble

I pass the phone back to Lucy

Lucy - E wants to suck your nibble badly. I miss Susan, Diane, Kath… How does this work, How do I open it?

Lucy gets a response and the call ends.

Lucy starts screaming I got a response, were out of money. We wasted 36 Euros. Christine wasted our 36 Euros.

This is when I start to question. Are you sure you didn’t call reception by accident? Lucy confused looks at me and screams "I got a response". Lucy decides to dial back to check our account balance. A few minutes later she reveals we have one unit left. Christine sucked up all our credit. Christine needs to verify if she got the message or not?

Lucy starts screaming that Christine sucked up all our credit and were not making anymore calls to Christine. Lucy indicates its due to Christine’s long voice message that were out of money!

This leads into a laughing fit and Lucy falls between the beds laughing her head off. I quickly fetch for my camera and take photos. This is too funny. Lucy is lying on the ground giggling while I take snap shots.

Once we pull ourselves together we discover Will and Grace on TV. Its in Italian but we decide to watch it anyway. it’s the episode where Karen is having a birthday party at home and Will, Jack and Grace are fighting in the bathroom. It was still hilarious in Italian.

I cant believe we got so trashed and it was only like 8pm. We eventually call it a night. We need our beauty sleep as there is a lot of sightseeing tomorrow.

Before crashing Lucy decides to set up our security system, since were no longer in 5 star hotels....

I complained how safe this hotel is and within seconds Lucy set this up:

I reckon if someone tried to open the door in the middle of the night and that fell onto the floor I would shit myself.....

Cinque Terre here we come……

THE FAREWELL DINNER

We arrived to Ristorante Papa Rex for our farewell dinner. We queued up at the door as we had to get a photo taken with the Gladiator. I reckon the good olds would be kicking themselves now. After all that money they spent in getting a photo with the Gladiator at the Colosseum.

Lucy & I started arguing whether we wanted to take the photo but we figured we might as well. We walked up to the Gladiator and within seconds had our picture taken. Lets see how much they are going to try and charge us for this now!

We walked over to a table and before we knew it Diane and Will had planted themselves on our table as well. I think those two have an obsession with us. Seriously I think we only had 2 dinners without them the entire trip. Joining us on the other side was the Italian Indian couple aka Salt and Pepper. This should be an interesting combination.

We sat down to notice our menu on the table.

The meals all sounds great. Cant wait to dig it. As the entrees are brought out we hear the piano behind us as two complete lunatic opera singers storm around the tables.

I must admit they were actually quite good. Of course everyone on our table went abit camera crazy and I think the female enjoyed the attention. She wouldn’t stop posing for photos.

The Opera Singers

The female opera singer went abit crazy. First she threw herself on the jock that doesn’t speak. Special guest appearance by Judy decided to take a photo with her disposable camera. Before you could blink an eye the female opera singer was rubbing against Ron. I don’t think good old was impressed but she smiled along to it. Within minutes the female opera singer had one arm on Lucy and the other arm on Will. She was swinging them side to side as she sang. God I hope she didn’t think they were together.

The opera singers continued for a while and I must say it was good entertainment while brunching on our Italian dinner. They decided to take a break. During that break Lucy got up to take a table photos of everyone on tour.

Apparently when she approached the below table clawfeet broke a glass. Looks like clawfeet has some anger management issues we don’t know about. Maybe she wanted to strangle the opera singers for making such a loud racket? Or maybe it was dealing with Kath at her table. Maybe clawfeet knew what she was doing when she broke the glass. Hence why she didn’t cut her fingers.

Kath in shock as Clawfeet smashes glass...

The outcome - A broken glass:

When Lucy tried to return to the table suddenly the restaurant owner grabbed her and insisted they do a quick dance in the middle of the walkway. At that point the opera singers threw themselves back onto the floor while Lucy and the restaurant owner was blocking their paths. Lucy quickly strolled back to her table and planted herself down.

Special guest appearance by the 81 year old in the above photo

The meals continued….

Fettuccine with Mushrooms

Diane started getting tipsy before the main meals were served...

It was only within time that we heard “Is there any salt and pepper?”. I swear I feel like throwing salt and pepper shakes at this woman!

The night continued on as everyone kept drinking the included wine and getting totally smashed. We each did our rounds of taking photos. Dinner was served and looked yummy.

Grilled Veal Steak with Potatoes

From what I remember the service was actually quite good. The meals were served pretty quickly after one another. The photographer came around to give everyone their Gladiator photos. From memory I think he was trying to charge us 10 Euros for the photo. We were pretty disgusted with it that Lucy just took a photo of the photo and we handed the photo back to the photographer. The photographer seemed pretty disgusted as I think we were the only ones on the tour group to not buy the photo. I reckon he is using our photo as a dart board these days cursing us for not buying the photo.

At that stage the Opera Singers started selling their CD's and personally autographing them. I got caught up in the moment and wanted one. Lucy screamed that I shouldn't be wasting my money on that shit.

Meanwhile Good Old had gone back to the hotel claiming she had a headache. Our theory is that she got jealous of the Opera singers and threw a tantrum at Ron.

Finally the dessert was served.

Cake with wood fruit

After dessert out of no where everyone stood up and started kissing and hugging one another while getting photos. Of course we were apart of this. We got caught up in the moment ok. I quickly grabbed a photo with Kath.

I ran into the 81 year old and decided to get a photo with her. She put her arm around my waist and I swear she held it so tight that I thought she was about to rib my kidneys out. I couldn’t believe how strong she was. Who the hell holds you like that during a photo? I was in serious pain. I was looking a Lucy thinking take the fuckin photo already woman! It felt like a live surgery. She was slowly digging into my waist line and feeling my kidneys. Man I can feel the pain while I am writing this.

Once I had the photo taken and I was free, Lucy decided to get a photo taken with the 81 year old. Apparently she did the same thing to Lucy. I think the 81 year old was testing to see who had a nicer kidney.

Now the below picture is of someone random that appeared in one of our photos. I dont know who she is but god she should have been on our tour:

We managed to capture this photo of Kath about to strangle Diane:


Another photo of Kath bringing her claws out... its only within time before she attacks someone...


Somewhere along the line I ran into Irene and she planted a kiss on me. God I have no idea where that came from. The woman barely said two words to us the entire trip. I kept asking Lucy if we got a photo with Kath. Ignoring each other we just kept grabbing Kath for more photos. Were at the end of the line with our obsession with Kath.


Of course I had to get a photo with Drunkin Diane...


The below photo is of Salt and Pepper & Me....

We eventually walked out of the restaurant towards the bus. Lucy wouldn’t stop taking photos. I think we ended up with a 100 photos of Kath.

We all strolled onto the bus and the photos and hugging continued. I ended up with a photo hugging Tammy on the bus. The entire tour group was completely trashed. We continued questioning whether we got a photo with Kath. Honestly did we get a photo with Kath?

Tammy and I having a moment

Now I cant remember if I mentioned this but Tammy told me the other morning she was 60! I was like NO WAY. I can't believe Tammy is 60. She looks fantastic for her age. I had to call Prisonbreak chick over to confirm. Of course by the end of it all Tammy loved me for telling her what a hotie she was haha

Umberto the bus driver started the bus and we started moving when Ron decided to take the microphone to sing a song he wrote for Umberto. Apparently Ron wrote a song for Umberto.

Ron’s song:

“When were quite far from home…
Driving in streets of Rome thank Umberto….
When were wanting to see all of Italy thank Umberto…
When we jump from the sack and our luggage is all packed thank Umberto…
When you want a great deal or a quick roadside meal thank Umberto…
Drive to Venice by bus, that’s no trouble for us thank Umberto…
Then Sorrento just called and off roads we don’t fall thank Umberto…
Makes those tight turns and our stomachs may turn thank Umberto…
Now that were back in Rome and
Were dreaming of home thank Umberto…
We will never forget nor will we ever regret having our own Umberto…”

Right looks like Ron has Umberto issues. I wonder how much of that Umberto actually understood LOL

Just when I thought we can have some piece and quiet Cabbage Patch took the microphone singing “Yama Yama” (The return to Sorrento Song).

It gets worse we had to watch Kath smooching Spencer in front of us. She went in to bite him at one stage as well. Honestly I don’t need to see this. Tammy jumps up from her seat to do a dance while everyone is singing and clapping. When the songs die down Kath starts singing “When the wheels on the bus go round and round…” OH MY GOD!!! It’s getting worse!

One trashed Kath

The short drive to the hotel seems like forever. Lucy wouldn’t stop taking photos. I swear all I’m going to hear in my sleep together is the clicking sound of an SLR camera. Finally the bus pulls into the hotel.

We all jump off the bus and pass an envelope to Umberto. We decide to tip the poor guy. Lucy and I figured he needs a tip. She saw him washing the bus and told me how much Umberto actually does for us. I must admit he provided a good service and he deserved a tip. We past an envelope to him and grabbed a photo with him. All of a sudden the entire tour group stormed over to take a photo with Umberto.

We then decided to do the same with Cabbage Patch. We gave her envelope at the restaurant but we figured we should grab a photo with her before its all over.

We started entering the hotel and Lucy kept chasing and taking photos of Kath. While she was doing that I had the video camera on Kath. Kath must have felt like a celebrity with us following her.

She stopped to make a speech and must I say what a speech she made!

Kath’s speech:

“It has been real…
This has been such a great experience… to be here… in Rome…and… Italy… with you…. I have enjoyed it so much…. MWAH…. MWAH… Ciaooo…. Ciaoooo….”

Trust me if you see it on camera you will be in tears of laughter. Some of the group sat in the lobby to continue drinking. We stood talking to them and taking more photo’s before deciding to head upstairs to crash.

As we are heading to the lifts the gang waves us goodbye:

This is it! Goodbye all……

Thanks for the memories…

THE SPANISH STEPS AGAIN...

Now that we had lunch, we were back on the bus for a short trip to Rome left. Cabbage Patch took the microphone to repeat her Italian hand gestures segment. She had showed us this the other day but everyone kept requesting she does them again so we can film them. For the next 10 minutes all I heard was “If someone goes like this to you…”.

My favourite Italian hand gesture was “Your wife is betraying you”. This is a basic hand gesture of holding up your thumb and pinky finger. The rest of your fingers are down. God I should walk around Rome doing this to random people on the street and see if they react. My other favourite one was slapping both your hands together on an angle. This is basically telling someone to go to another country.

This was amusing for a short time. We eventually arrived to Rome. Our last sightseeing activity was seeing the Spanish Steps. Umberto dumped us at the top of the Spanish Steps. Lucy and I had a mission - to find an ATM. I had asked Cabbage Patch where we could find one and she pointed to the bottom of the Spanish Steps.

Looking down the Spanish Steps it doesn't look to bad.... what about climbing back up???

The Spanish Steps - Rome Italy

Now let me explain this. It was boiling hot and probably over 40 degrees today. Lucy and I had done the Spanish Steps in our first day in Rome so we were more than happy to skip this out but because the ATM was at the bottom of the steps we figured we better get moving.

We started strolling down the Spanish steps until we got too the bottom. We spotted an ATM and hit it immediately. We figured since we were at the bottom of the Spanish Steps we should do another round of photos. Who knows when we will return...



Look at moi. Cant you tell I’m so over it by this stage? Haha I reckon I was muttering take the fuckin photo already! haha

We discover Kath and her hubby Spencer. So we grab them for a photo shoot.

We started climbing back to the top of the stairs. We reached the top out of breath to find shade. This is when we find out that Diane and Will just spent an arm and a leg on soft drinks. Don’t you lunatics know never to buy from a kiosk?????

Meanwhile everyone in our tour group was at the meeting point except for Renee and the kids. This is when the 81 year old got pissed off and started heading off to look for his daughter and grand kids.

Meanwhile Lucy looked like she would rip Renee’s kidneys out if she didn’t show up soon. Eventually Renee and the kids showed up with Ken claiming they got the meeting time wrong or something.

We walk back onto the bus and I figured it was my last chancce of getting a photo of the door that Kath fell against. Now picture this Kath standing on the bus, does a wierd 360 degree swirl and falls down the stairs against the closed bus door. Her hair bounces her off and saves her. She knew what she was doing. She knew how to fall...

We arrived to the hotel and the first thing we do after settling in is call Christine. It’s been a long day ok. We need stress relief. We call Christine from the hotel room. It’s dialling and I state we should list every one on our tour group to her when Lucy screams “We should make this an abusive one!”.

Right someone’s had a hot long day. Christine’s voice mail comes on and we struggle to name people after the 10th one. Were stuck on names of people from our tour group so Lucy starts screaming “I have to tell you something about Milan…”. It was only within time that we tried explaining the whole claw feet machine dropping, Diane picking up and falling, then standing up to knock camera Susan over. We have issues!

We slam the phone down and have a laughing fit. Right now that is out of the system its time to get ready for our farewell dinner…

CASSINO WAR CEMETERY

WWII battles of Monte Cassino (Dec. 1943 - May, 1944).

After Pompeii I feel asleep on the bus to awake to Cabbage Patch yelling we have arrived to the Cassino War Memorial. Grabbing my cameras I stormed off the bus to enter a sauna. It was boiling hot, I could barely keep an eye open but this was something I was really keen on seeing. Forcing myself to walk over I tried opening my eyes to see I was standing at the Cassino War Memorials.

Monte Cassino is a rocky hill about 130 km south of Rome Italy. It is noted as the site where Benedict of Nursia established his first monastery.

The Battle of Monte Cassino (also known as the Battle for Rome and the Battle for Cassino) was a costly series of four battles during World War II. Without going into great detail about World War II, things started to stir when Japan invaded Manchuria in September 1931, capturing it from the Chinese. Two years later in 1933, the Nazi party came to power in Germany. Nazi leader Adolf Hitler was starting to make moves to expand Germany eastwards.

The monastery, high on a peak overlooking the town of Cassino was destroyed by American bombers. Hence the Commonwealth War Graves cemetery in Cassino is the final resting place of Soldiers of the 2nd World War.

This poor soldier died on 13th of November 1943 at the age of 30. It's freaky how the day this guy died I was born. May he rest in peace.

The restored Abbey of Monte Cassino.

Walking around you cant help but feel sad and touched. Its amazing how many young soldiers were killed during the war.

We spend like 15 minutes here before Cabbage Patch rounds us up like cattle. We stroll back onto the bus until we hit an Autogrill.

We storm out of the bus to grab lunch. Don’t ask me why but Lucy and I started obsessing over these two freaks, hence we had to get a photo!

That better not be us in 30 years time!

Next Stop - Rome...

THE BURIED CITY OF POMPEII

We are pretty much at the end of the tour as we are heading back to Rome today for the finale. Today’s journey shows us heading to Pompeii followed by a quick stop at the Cassino War Memorial.

After our usual breakfast fuss, here we are sitting on the bus listening to Cabbage Patch moan some facts and figures as we are enjoying our last views of Sorrento and Isle of Capri. Out of no where Cabbage Patch dives into a song which is apparently referred to as the return to Sorrento song in Italian.

Our bus driver Umberto is driving us through the narrow streets of Sorrento while we listen to this lunatic and her Sorrento song. Seriously it’s way too early in the morning for this shit.

We arrive to Pompeii to be dumped outside. We follow Cabbage Patch towards the entrance gate when Clawfeet drops her handset machine onto the ground. We then witness Diane bend downwards to pick up the machine when she falls. Wait it gets better. When Diane manages to get back up she completely knocks over Camera Susan. Were standing behind them trying to control the laughter. These people kill me. I swear where do we find them?

Eventually we arrive to the entrance gate where cabbage Patch hands us over to a local tour guide. The local tour guide shows us the toilets and tells us to use them as there are no toilets inside Pompeii. Next thing you know everyone dives into the toilets.

We enter Pompeii to listen to the local tour guide while Good Old was making faces on camera and somewhere in between I was filming Kath.

Above - First views of Pompeii

Below - Good Old Making funny faces

While all of that was going on, Lucy managed to capture this photo of Maria:



Pompeii is a buried and ruined Roman city near Naples in Italy. Pompeii was destroyed and completed buried when the Volcano Mount Vesuvius erupted for 2 days on 24 August 79 AD. The volcano buried Pompeii under many metres of ash. It was lost for nearly 1700 years before it got accidentally rediscovered in 1748. It is one of the most important tourist attractions in Italy today.

Above - The ruined city of Pompeii

The tour continued around the buried city of Pompeii as the local tour guide took us to the Theatre. This is when Ron broke into a song to test the vocals of the Theatre. Meanwhile Good Old Susan was running around taking photos of him when the local tour guide got caught up in the moment and started singing along side Ron. God now it was a duet. Can today get any better?

This is when I spotted the 81 years olds climbing the theatre. God if they can do it so can I! Well you think I would right?

Above - The 81 year olds half way to the top...

I finally approached the top out of breath when this black woman called Nancy took the centre stage of the theatre singing “So glad to be here in Italy today”. Now no offence to Ron but this woman could sing. Why is it that all black people can? I think Ron noticed as well as he was clapping excitedly.

NV at the top of the Theatre looking down


Side view from the top of the Theatre

NV posing at the top of the Theatre

The theatre started taking its toll so we continued walking around Pompeii when I spotted a Turkish tour group, I started filming them secretly while trying to ears drop. I was so tempted to stand there and pretend I was apart of their group. When I turned around I was shocked to see one of the 81 year olds on their knees. For a minute I thought he might be having a heart attack but no Ken was bending on his knees to take that perfect photo. He had it framed to the way he pictured it and bang he took it. Where do I find these people?

We continued walking into ruined buildings and capturing the history hidden behind each wall.

The Graffiti carved on the walls shows us real street Latin. It’s amazing how these carvings are still present today

Moving right along the next thing we spot is good old Susan hugging a random homeless dog. All cameras were on Susan as I spotted Tammy looking disgusted. Tammy was so disgusted that she looked like she was about to vomit on both Susan and the dog!

Susan & Dog 145

We entered a room where good old discovered a sleeping dog on the ground. She bent down to get his attention but the dog didn’t open an eye. She whispered something to the dog but the dog didn’t respond so good old stood back up, muttered something to herself and walked off. The look on Tammy’s face was PRICELESS!!!

We continued walking in that room until we spotted some bodies in large cabinets. These are some plaster casts of victims of the eruption still in actual Pompeii. The local tour guide points out that we can still see the bones inside them. Local tour guide reveals that there is a skeleton inside each and every one of them. How freaky!

Victims of the eruption in Pompeii

We walk out for the local tour guide to show us a cock on the ground pointing to the local brothel in the buried city of Pompeii. Some nut case yells us it looks like Mickey Mouse. How the hell does a cock look like Mickey Mouse? Next thing you know I see the 81 year olds dragging big tits away from the cock on the ground. I suppose they didn’t want their innocent grand daughter being exposed to cocks at this age.

Is it a cock or Mickey Mouse?

We continue the tour heading to the brothel house that existed many years ago. The minute we arrive we spot a huge queue outside. Everyone wants to enter the brothel - literally.

Pompeii Brothel house

The local tour guide makes us cut the queue some how and we enter the whore house. The first thing we notice are the paintings carved into the walls and the tiny beds.

The paintings carved into the wall:

Were in the brothel for less than 30 seconds when the local tour guide tries rushing us out. Why the hell bring us in if you giving us 10 seconds to capture the entire thing. Flashes are going mad as we exit the brothel. Well it was worth seeing it I guess…

Eventually the Pompeii tour comes to an end and we are escorted out. Walking down I capture this picture of the Modern day ruined city of Pompeii:

I have to rush over and shove some money into the local tour guides hand. Next thing we notice is this small kiosk:

We stroll around trying to buy postcards when we spot a toy cock. Immediate response is we have to get this for Christine. We argue over who is going to ask how much it is. Eventually one of us manage to ask and we were disgusted how much the toy cock was. It would be cheaper getting Christine a real cock in Sydney LOL

We walk towards the bus. Now Lucy captured this photo which kills me:

Looking at the photo we have from left to right, me, prisonbreak chick, Cabbage patch, Colgate guy, Tammy, Scottish Woman, The 81 year olds, Irene, Special guest appearance by Judy and Diane!

We enter the bus and our next stop is Monte Cassino.