The Tip & The Kidnapping

8:15pm the transfer guy picked us up from Sude Konak even though we were staying at Romance hotel. He dumped us outside the restaurant and told us that he would pick us up after the show. The Turkish night began with many belly dancers, folk dancers and of course a Greek Knife dance. Audience participation was required so some old dude got on stage. They made him lie on the ground. They threw a wood board on his stomach and then started dancing around him with knifes. They randomly threw knifes onto the wood board on his stomach. We all stood there watching to see if they would actually successfully knife him. I had my camera on for the entire show thinking this would be a great opportunity to send something into Rove’s what the ?

The old guys wife practically had a heart attack thinking that her husband was about to get knifed live on stage. Luckily the old guy made it out of there safe and sound.

The last act came on stage. It was some old guy singing in various nationalities. He managed to drag on and on. In the end I wished someone knifed him so we could end the show.

The night came to an end when the waiter came over and asked us for a tip. Even though the night was prepaid apparently tips weren’t included. The waiter asked us to leave a tip on the table. We were disgusted with the whole idea. I think it really annoyed me that they asked for a tip. So we went searching for coins and managed to put together $4 on the table as the waiter was waiting near us. The minute the waiter turned around we grabbed our tip and ran for it like lunatics. We jumped into the transfer van. This was the worst part of the escape. We were stuck in a non moving van. It wasn’t like we could have made a quick getaway.

While waiting in the transfer van another transfer guy asked me where we were going. When I told him, he told me to get out of that van and get into his van, as that was the correct van. So we jumped off the van and headed to the other van. When our transfer guy came yelling his head off. I can’t even remember what the argument was about now but our transfer guy insisted and dragged us back into his van. Another transfer guy almost kidnapped us. Luckily our transfer guy managed to see the kidnapping process and we didn’t end up in the wrong hands. The two guys managed to argue this out. Finally our transfer guy jumped in his van and slammed on the gas. We managed to escape being kidnapped.

The Aircon @ Romance Hotel

Back to the hotel we were told at reception that our Aircon wont be working for about an hour due to maintenance. A few hours later I was ready to collapse in that room. It was impossible to have a nap. You couldn’t open the window due to the construction noise. The whole room stunk as a laundry and there was no aircon to assist.

I ran downstairs to complain to reception. The guy followed me to the room and had a look at the aircon. He turned it around and the aircon started working. Apparently in order to activate the aircon you need to turn the switch all the way to 30 degrees until you hear a click. How stupid did I feel once the guy left the room? For crying out loud what type of an aircon requires you to turn it on by turning the knob to 30 degrees?

The Scraf guy screws us over

The Scraf guy that ripped us off
Nautiboy Productions

Next stop was heading to the Grand Bazaar for some early morning bargaining session. After wandering around we found the bellydancing scraf guy. We know the guy as we ended up buying quite a lot of stuff off him last year. He was happy to see us and instantly offered us some apple tea.

We randomly brought some bellydancing belts that totalled $120. Before I can start bargaining my phone rang. I had my cousin from Cyprus on the phone. When I hang up and turned around the bargaining session was over and we got the belts for $100. After much discussion we figured that the scraf guy gave in too easily. This only meant one thing. The bastard ripped
us off. We figured we could have got it all for $80.

We were disgusted with ourselves for giving too much. Last year we managed to bargain him down quite a lot. We ended up getting it for wholesale price. I supposed it was time for him to screw us back…

The Erboy Bitch Strikes Again...

The Erboy Bitch...
Nautiboy Productions

After a short stay in Cyprus, Arrived in Istanbul airport with a transfer guy – Erhan. Its 8am, we jump into the transfer guys van heading to the hotel. Transfer guy decides to take us through Old Istanbul and pulls up outside a museum. He insists that we go inside the museum for us to look around. I’m thinking its 8am who the fuck can be bothered going to a museum this early. Luckily the museum was closed so we proceed onto the hotel.

We arrived in front of Sude Konak even though I was staying at Erboy hotel. Erboy hotel is next door to Sude konak. Before I can say anything the bellboy came rushing out and grabbing the suitcases and dragging them inside to Sude Konak. So we followed him inside to grab the suitcases back and walk across to Erboy hotel.

Walked into Erboy hotel only to be confronted by the Erboy bitch again. She asked for the booking forms and passports as usual. All of a sudden it was DJEVU again. Erboy bitch informed us that there had been a mix up on the internet booking again and that they were overbooked. I think it was the bitches way of getting rid of me. So she informed me that she would have to send us to another hotel around here. So I asked her to send me to Sude Konak as I know the hotel.

Anyway I waited in the lobby for god knows how long when she called Sude Konak. She told me that they were fully booked and there was no room there. So she had to send us to the romance hotel down the street.

Meanwhile I find out from bellboy that Sude Konak is not booked out. The Erboy bitch told them that I only paid $15 a night at Erboy where as I paid $40 a night. Of course the manager at Sude Konak refused to take us for that price. The Erboy bitch was trying to make money off us by down pricing us. Stupid bitch thought she could get away with it as well.

We drag our suitcases down the road to Romance hotel to find out that there is no room ready. So we dump all the luggage in the lobby and head to the breakfast room for some free breakfast.
After checking in, we discover that someone’s body wash has spilled into the luggage. So it’s a massive clean up before turning the bathroom into a laundry room.

I'm Sick

Throughout the whole week our dear friend Nazli kept saying to the guys at the hotel I’m Sick, well the way she said it came out as “Um Sik”.

The guys didn’t know what she was on about and we got embarrassed thinking that she’s trying to say something that she shouldn’t. For anyone that doesn’t know “Um Sik” is translated to Pussy Fu*k.

So I’m curious what the hotel guys thought she was trying to communicate.

The farewell with a BANG!!!

We packaged the girls off in a cab to the airport. They were heading to Antalya for a week. We waved them goodbye after Tugcen caused a scene when she tried giving the hotel boys a tip. They got offended that she would give a friend a tip. They practically cried when the girls drove off.

I went straight back to bed to recover from lack of sleep. When I got up, I had to get ready to go to my cousin’s birthday bash. I caught a cab to mecidyekoy. On the way the cab driver tells me that a bomb went off at the entrance door of the airport 2 hours ago. I start to panic, as this was exactly the time the girls would have arrived at the airport. I quickly call them both to discover their phones are switched off. I call my bellboy to help. He sends the whole hotel into a riot as everyone is on the phone to the airport to get information. We were unable to get threw the phones as they all got locked. So bellboy jumps on the Internet to get information. We find out that no one has died so that was a good thing.

After a few hours I receive a message from Nazli stating that they are ok and Tugcen stupidly forgot the pin code to her phone in her suitcase and couldn’t open her phone. For crying out loud…………….

The Cruise, The Grand Bazaar & The rain

We were meant to do a cruise plus the grand bazaar today. We slept in today after our late night partying at bars. We managed to get to the port to do the boat cruise at 1pm. We caught the last ferry only to discover that we caught the wrong boat. We some how managed to jump on the wrong ferry even though it looked like it was an ordinary ferry and not a cruise. I was wondering why there wasn’t any tourist around or why there wasn’t a tour guide to talk it through. The minute the ferry arrive the people practically dived on the ferry without the ferry pulling to the side. It was like they were escaping from a fire. I’ve never seen so many lunatic throw themselves onto a ferry like that before.

Once we were on the ferry and the ferry was pulling away we heard a guy yelling from the other side ferry cruise of Istanbul leaving in 5. We looked at each other and knew we were heading somewhere we didn’t know. We got stuck on this ferry for 2.5 hours and ended up getting off at Anadolu Kavagsi. Don’t ask me where this is because I still don’t know. It was a long ferry trip and thank god for my motion sickness tablets that got me threw this event.
The next ferry back was like 1.5 hours later. So we got off in this small island looking town. It took us 7 minutes to walk around the whole island. The island, which isn’t really an island. I don’t know what it is only had shops, restaurants and a mosque. The population seemed quite small except for the fact there was 500 cats running around looking for their next meal. We decided to sit at a cay bachesi i.e. teahouse. We ordered a salad and drinks. We paid $9 for the salad, which no one touch.

Tugcen caused another scene when she decided to buy ice cream. She wanted to get ice cream inside a waffle. She told the guy she wanted 2 scoops only. The guy told her that she had to get 4 scoops in her ice cream. So she insisted on 2 scoops so the guy gave up and told her that he should be charging her for 4 scoops because they aren’t making a profit by selling 2 scoops. So Tugcen decided to pay for 3 scoops instead of 2 scoops even though she got 2 scoops claiming that was her tip to him. Like what the ?

Nazli decided she wanted simit so we spent the next 10 minutes walking around this place asking every tom, dick and Turk where we can get simit. Finally we found a bakery and she got her simit. We were out of there quick smart. Somewhere in between she got a banana to dip into Tugcens Ice cream.

After all the food fuss we lined up for the ferry to ensure we wouldn’t miss it. We got trampled on trying to get on, as everyone wanted to get off this place. After another 2.5 hours we arrived back in town to rush to the hotel for a nap. The plan was to nap and then head to the grand bazaar.

We woke up to have a fight about who wants to go to the grand bazaar. Tantrums were thrown, words were exchanged, things were thrown but we were all up and out of the room. We walked out of the hotel to learn that the grand bazaar had shut already. Apparently it shuts early on Friday nights. It was back to the hotel for us.

At midnight Tugcen decided she needed presents for her friends back at home. So poor bellboy had to rush across the street and get one of the shops to reopen for her to shop. Finally we threw her inside the store and she brought her junk with much annoying comments.

We spent the rest of the night on the terrace talking and laughing as rain hit. Electricity was gone. We had to open up an umbrella and get candles happening. The hotel guys organised us breakfast at 4:45am under the rain. I think we managed to see the sunrise before heading into our rooms.

The REINA night

We decided to go to Reina nightclub in Istanbul. This is a VIP club, which is quite difficult to get into. Basically you get judged at the door whether you’re good enough to make it in there.

We mentioned it to the guys at the hotel and they decided to come with us as well. One of them dressed in daggy jeans and white shirt. We knew from the moment we saw him that we were doomed. We caught a cab to the club and jumped out in front of it. The daggy guy walked right up to the doorman ahead of all of us. The doorman looked at him and us and said that we need a reservation to get in. We knew this was totally bullshit. Anyway we stood outside trying to decide what to do. So the girls and I decided to give it another go. We lined up in the queue and the doorman looked at us and told us to go in. we made the cut. We entered in a rush just in case he changed his mind. We got to the cashier and ended up paying $40 each to get in. this was ridiculous. I have never paid more than $20 to enter a club in Sydney.

The outdoor club was huge. The atmosphere was amazing except for the fact that there were too many older people. A lot of VIP acting people around. There are over 10 restaurants in the club. The music was pumping and people were dancing on tables. The view from the club was amazing, the water, the bridge and the lights…

After taking 200 pictures of ourselves in Reina, we danced the night away in the open air before deciding to head out to find the poor guys still waiting outside for us. We felt bad so we decided to have coffee with them in Ortakoy. We walked to Ortakoy to realise that all the coffee shops were closed and the only thing open were bars. So we decided to go up to one. We walked like 10 flights of stairs to get to this bar. By the time I got up to the top I was huffing and puffing. I threw myself on the first couch I saw. Looking around this place felt like a rooftop of a house or something. The music was excellent. After catching my breath I was able to hit the dancefloor.

THE PALACE, THE CONCERT & BURGER KING

DOLMABAHCE SARAY
Nautiboy Productions

We actually made it to breakfast today. I think it’s the first breakfast we made while staying at the hotel. We caught a cab to Dolmabahce Palace only to spend 45 minutes in a ticket queue. I ended up running across to the shop and getting a toasted sandwich while waiting. There was some psycho bitch that couldn’t stop staring at us for some reason so we decided to have a staring competition. Of course we won.

We had problems buying tickets again. They insisted that one of us wasn’t a Turk so Nazli had to pay $15 where as we paid 70 cents to enter. Tugcen threw a random tantrum at the entrance as we entered when the guy asked how many of us are actually Turkish. Tugcen screamed about how it’s unfair to have two different prices. We were luckily we weren’t kicked out by the way she carried on.

We joined an English tour of the palace. At the end of the tour we asked the tour director in Turkish which one was Ataturk’s bedroom. She had a disgusted look on her face and started yelling at us that if we were Turkish what the hell were we doing in her tour group. We didn’t even get time to explain that Nazli was in fact Persian not Turkish.

We had to join the second half of the tour to see the bedroom. By this time we had spent like 2.5 hours walking around this maze of a palace. We were all tired and hungry. When we finally saw the bedroom we caused a scene when we told the tour director we were leaving.

We practically ran to the nearest café to eat only to discover that they only sell soft drinks. We spent another 30 minutes finding our way out of the palace and then fighting for a cab back to the hotel.

Finally we arrived and managed to eat some simit before deciding on doing a Bosphours cruise. This backfired as all the tours were over for the day. So we decided to head back to the hotel to have a nap before Yalin’s concert.

We struggled out of bed and caught a cab to Rumeli Hisari. We got stuck in traffic and started to panic thinking we were going to miss the entire concert. The cab driver decided to take us through the back alleys. We started freaking out more as the back alleys looked quite freaky at night with no lights. For a minute I thought this guy might mug us. It was all good when I spotted the castle nearby.

We ran into the concert to discover that Yalin had just got on stage. We managed to climb up the hill to found a place to sit on the grass and enjoy the concert. Yalin sang for an hour and a half before having an interval. Before the interval he introduced Gulben Ergen ( A famous Turkish singer/actor). During the break people went up to her to take photos and some how caused a scene when someone pushed her. Security stepped into place and escorted them out.

Tugcen and I went in search of food but unfortunately couldn’t find any. Meanwhile we had an argument over what to take a photo of since we only had one shot left. Tugcen kept insisting to take a photo of a Turkish flag hanging off the castle where as I kept insisting to take a photo of Yalin himself.

After another one and half hours the concert finished. There was heaps of traffic afterwards and we couldn’t get a cab. So we jumped on a bus without paying to Ortakoy. We managed to sneak off the bus at Ortakoy and catch a cab to Taksim to hit burger king at 1am.

Tugcen caused a scene at Burger king when a guy pushed in front of us. She must have cursed him because he returned two minutes later with his order complaining about his burger.

Arrived back at the hotel to find Nazli sitting on the roof with the hotel staff…

THE 15 DOLLAR BREAKFAST PLATE

THE $15 BREAKFAST
Nautiboy Productions

We missed breakfast this morning at the hotel so we decided to stupidly wander around sultanahmet for breakfast. We sat down at a café knowing that this is a tourist market and ordered a breakfast plate. After we ordered we realised that the plate was costing us $15 each…

Following this screw we decided to head to Aya Sofia. When we approached the ticket gate, my phone rang. I was on the phone with Sydney when Tugcen brought tickets for Nazli and herself. After my phone call I brought my tickets. As we walked in I found out that Tugcen paid $15 per ticket where as I paid $3. They caught on that she was a tourist and decided to charge her 10 times as much.

The day continued as we visited Sultanahmet Mosque and Topkapi Palace. We returned to the hotel to hear a knock on the door. When we answered it was the toilet paper guy with a whole box of toilet paper for us.

After the toilet paper guy left, there was another knock on the door. We thought it was him again. When I answered the door it was some woman. She freaked out when I answered the door and started screaming Scusi Scusi.. Like what the ? was that about…

The week with Tugcen

Where the hell do I begin? I rocked up to the hotel to find Tugcen and Nazli arguing over the fact that our room had no toilet paper. So I decided not to get involved in this matter. Both the girls lost their voices and had squeaky annoying voices. So Tugcen makes Nazli ring downstairs to ask. She calls and can barely speak as Tugcens laughing at her and I have a video camera taping this process.

Finally there is a loud knock on the door. We spend 5 minutes arguing over who’s going to answer the door. Finally Nazli opens the door. The guy enters panicking and asks what’s the problem. Nazli tells him we are out of toilet paper. The guy had panicked because he thought she was about to die or something. He couldn’t understand a word over the phone because of her voice. The guy enters the toilet and pulls down a toilet paper from above the toilet and shows it to Nazli while demanding what is this? Nazli embarrassed about the whole situation says sorry and the guy leaves while we all burst into laughter…

KIYIKOY

KIYIKOY VIEW
Nautiboy Productions

You think after arriving all that way from Sydney to Istanbul that you would spend a few days resting? Well the first weekend I was there I got convinced to go on holidays with a family friend to Kiyikoy. Kiyikoy is around 3 hours from Istanbul city.

This was a small village with an amazing seaside town. The people were warm, friendly and down to earth. Chickens and ducks were walking around town like a backyard. The ladies were doing their washing the old fashion way, outside of their front lawn with buckets.

15 minutes into town, we even got invited to a wedding. We were too scared to go as they tend to pull out guns at the wedding and randomly shoot bullets into the air. Knowing my luck the bullet would find me.

After parking the car, we spent a few minutes looking at the hotels to realise that they are all ancient. Finally we found a house that we can rent for the night at a reasonable price.

We spent the day along the beach, where I slept most of it. I was still feeling pretty jetlagged. It was a noice relaxing day.

The next day we decided to do a river cruise by hiring one of those paddle things. We hired it for an hour and returned it 10minutes late. So the guy decided to charge us for the full hour. We got the shits and started arguing with him. In the end we gave him an extra 5 bucks and left the site.