The 3rd night on the Island

Back to Skandinavian bar

You think we would learn from our previous mistakes and avoid this bar. I suppose we didn’t have much of a choice, as this was the only popular bar in town. Heading back to the bar while holding our vodka orange juices it was time for some serious Mykonos parting. The question is were we ready for what was about to come…?

Asians on drugs

Tonight the bar was filled with a bunch of weirdo’s and yes there was a group of Asians on drugs. Without us? What the f*** was that about? At least they could of done was offered. I mean not that I would do drugs but I would at least like to me asked.

The Asians went crazy on the dance floor. At one stage I turned around and an Asian chick was lying on the ground with a guy. I don’t know how they ended up rolling around the Skandinavian bar floor but they were both out of it.

There was an Asian girl who kept shoving her tits in people’s faces. I seriously thought she was going to take her top off at one stage. I mean who dances like that. It was like she was lying in a bath tube and some bastard threw in an electric blanket that was plugged in. I didn’t know what the hell was happening. I don’t think anyone did.

The 40-year-old woman

You think things couldn’t get worst than something like this happens. Were dancing on the dance floor when this 40-year-old woman wearing a floral top is staring at me and drooling. It was sooooo gross I can’t explain. She looked like she wanted to lick me with her tongue or something. I tried moving away from her but she kept following. I sat down and she sat down as well. She wouldn’t stop staring. What drugs was she on?

The French Guy, The FG guy, the Greek guy and of course Mr Sweden

What the hell was this about? I’m not allowed to reveal what the hell happen with this bunch but lets just say some people got some action while I stood and laughed. As one of my friends puts it the guys at Mykonos don’t take no for an answer and I suppose these 4 are the perfect examples.

The deal was if my friend scratches her nose I had to move in and save her. Anyway I’m sitting down totally about to pass out from all the vodka when she starts to scratch her nose. I’m sitting there thinking is this a sign for me. You see we had a disagreement before entering the bar. I told her to scratch her ass and she insisted scratching her nose. So which one was it?

So I continued to watch her and seriously she seemed to enjoy the whole show she was getting on stage. Finally I decide to make my move and rescue her. While trying to stand and walk straight I manage to stroll over and tell her something. I think I told her I was heading downstairs. So she used this to escape and follow me.

We ran out of the bar and entered the first bar we found. We stood in the middle of the bar looking around only to notice that the bar was filled with guys. My friend was like there are no girls. After a split second it was like OMG were in a gay bar, what do we do? I’m standing there thinking what the hell have you got me into.

We ran out of the bar into some freezing alley where we have a group meeting to decide where to go. It’s at this point we realise we really have to go back to the Skandinavian bar to get our jackets. We head into the bar and sit back down. At this stage I try doing a runner by grabbing my jacket but my plan fails. Damn I was so close as well.

We manage to escape the bar yet again around 2am. But not before the whole toilet incident may I add. Seriously I’m beginning to think we were the only ones that slept at this island.

Were walking down this narrow street when the Greek guy is in front of us. So I decide if we over take him we can avoid him. I manage to overtake but let’s just say things don’t work out the way they were supposed to.

The night came to a conclusion when we sat on some dirty steps to drink sprit before we headed back to the hotel.

Arriving at the taxi stand we noticed that there were no taxis or buses at this hour and the bloody 24-hour café wasn’t open.

Good luck walking to the hotel drunk yet again…

Day 3: Mykonos

I don’t even know where to start with this day. So many incidents that overtook my life occurred on this day.


The 24hour café that isn’t 24hours

There’s this café at Mykonos, which is supposed to be 24hours but its barely open 12 hours a day. I took pictures of it when it was closed to claim its not 24 hours. This café also has the worst coffee on the island. I can’t believe we kept going back to it. I suppose it was so we can check “J” out. And yes “J” was sitting at the café again this morning.

The Beach

The aim of the day was to relax on the beach. THIS DID NOT HAPPEN. We headed to Platis Gialo beach and it was all down hill from here. This beach is supposed to be where all the famous stars go to when they visit Mykonos. We managed to settle down on those comfortable chairs again. As usual we ended up paying 7 euros for the bloody thing. In Australian dollars that’s $14.WTF?

The Sand Storm

I was trying to relax on the beach when a sand storm struck. Covered in sand and spitting out bits and pieces of sand I was annoyed as hell.There was no way anyone could deal with this sand storm. it was too strong and felt like my skin was being ripped off everytime the wind took off.

The Woman and the “Dog”…

I don’t know if I should even mention this. I was disgusted with the whole show. The entire show was indeed sickening. Whilst trying to rescue my eyes from the sand storm I managed to damage my eyes even further when I turned to my right. I blame my friend for pointing this out. What type of a sick person shows me something like this? I didn’t know where to look or what to do.

I was disgusted and wanted to vomit somewhere. There was a woman lying down with a dog sucking on her nipples. She had her tits hanging out of her bikini with a dog sucking on them. Who goes to the beach with their dog sucking on their nipples? I don’t think I should go onto what else happened at the beach but lets just say there are some sick people out there.


The Exchange Woman

I don’t think I have mentioned the exchange woman previously but she played a major role in our lives while we were at Mykonos. The exchange woman who works at the money exchange walked passed us today and said hi. We said hi to her and then turned to each other and asked who the hell was that. Locals are starting to recognise us and we can’t even seem to spot them. At some point the exchange woman told us off but ill save that for later.

The Bad Pita Roll

I’ve never had sooo much pita in my life but this one was the end of the pita obsession. It was so greasy that I thought I drank a whole bottle of vegetable oil or something. I don’t think I can even look at another pita roll for sometime.

The Perfect Photo Opportunity

After buying another 4 oil painting it was time to head back to the hotel for some siesta. As we were walking up the hill I saw a perfect photo opportunity. So I decided to enter someone’s driveway. Actually I think it was a hotel. Anyway I wandered in with my camera ready to get a perfect shot of Mykonos sunset when this German Shepard started racing towards me. I didn’t know which direction to run to. I thought it was going to attack me. I tried running back but I couldn’t as I had beach thongs on. We just got back from the beach. I was racing uphill trying to get away from this dog and everyone was laughing at me instead of doing something about it. Anyway the moral of the story I missed out on my perfect Mykonos photo.

The $40 dollar woman

Ok I don’t even know how to explain this one but this was an incident the minute we stepped into the store. It all started with the obsession to buy oil painting of Mykonos. It’s beyond me how I was going to take theses home.

We stepped into the store and immediately noticed the owner i.e. the $40 dollar woman chewing away as usual. Every time we see this woman she’s chewing on something. A person can’t possibly be chewing on gum for this long. Were assuming maybe she’s chewing on pieces of food left in her mouth from the night before or her gums.

Anyway we ask her for the price of a small painting and she chews at us and responds 15 Euros. Then we ask her the price of a slightly bigger painting and she chews at us and then responds 40 Euros.

My friend decides to buy the 40 Euro painting. We go to the counter to face the music. My friend pulls out a 50 Euro note to pay for a 15 Euro oil painting. The woman immediately starts panicking and screams “No money… No money”.

I wasn’t sure what the hell was going on. For a minute I thought she thought that we were robbing her or something. In confusion my friend then decides to pull out a 20 Euro.

For crying out loud what type of sick person doesn’t pull out the 20 Euros beforehand and save us the whole incident. After handing the money over to the woman she starts to panic again by scream “No No 40 Euros, another 20”.

For crying out loud the woman doesn’t even know the prices for her paintings. Every time we asked her for a price she would wander over chewing in her mouth of course looks at the painting for 40 seconds and then makes up a price for it. What the hell is that about?

Anyway finally we try and explain to her that the smaller painting we wanted to buy she quoted 15 Euros and not 40 Euros. She looks at us like we are a pair of lunatics trying to rip her off and then she starts to smash her hands to her head like 4 or 5 times saying sorry sorry.

I was biting my lips to step outside to burst into tears from laughing. The woman is totally insane. This whole Island is full of weird locals.

MYKONOS BAR

We thought we should try something different tonight so we headed to Mykonos bar instead of Skandinavian bar. The bar was quite empty. As we sat down the barmen immediately came over to serve us. We told him we needed 5 minutes to decide. The minute he left we dashed out and headed to Skandinavian bar.

We sat at the bar for a while. The vodka orange juice was rushing through our bodies. And yes the bloody thing was strong because some people just don’t listen.

We had water bottles filled with orange juice and vodka. We kept leaving the bar to go outside to continue drinking the bottle. The vodka was quite strong and burning me inside. We must have looked like a bunch of idiots walking around with a plastic bag with water bottles filled with vodka and orange juice.

While parading around the island drunk we went looking for Pedros at 12am. Who goes looking for Pedros at 12am? I seriously can’t remember if we found him or not…

MYKONOS – The night that followed…

After our short siesta nap we headed out for dinner. We had dinner at Nikos that night. After finding out that Marco Polo was closed again. Who promises to be open and then doesn’t open? Some inconsiderate people.

Dinner at Nikos was filled with Turks. I think they were a tour group.They were yelling and laughing their heads off. The funny part was I could actually understand what the hell they were on about. Dinner at Nikos was quite nice. Pedros came wandering around. Everyone was quite thrilled to see Pedros. I think his the most popular local at Mykonos. His actually very cute. The minute he walks past alot of heads turn...

After dinner we decided to call Christine. I think it was 6am back at home. She sounded sick on the phone. I was quite concerned and asked if she was sick. She told me she wasn’t.

We sat at a café while I was seriously thinking she was sick. So I decide to send her a text message. I never got a reply back. What type of a sick person doesn’t reply back to my messages when I’m half way across the world concerned about her?

We waited over half an hour to get served to order Greek coffee. The waiter didn’t come over to serve us. We never got bloody greek coffee. This was a mood killer for the entire night. Later we found out Christine wasn’t sick.

After spending a whole heap of money last night on drinks we decided to do the cheaper tourist version. We walked into a mini market to buy orange juice. Our plan was to buy vodka and mix our own drinks for tonight so we don’t have to spend too much money.

While in the mini market we start to argue over how much orange juice to buy. I was arguing because I didn’t want my drink to be too strong, therefore I required more orange juice. Some inconsiderate people didn’t seem to understand this. We finally paid for the orange juice and walked out. As we walked out the cashier slammed the door behind us. For crying out loud what the hell was her problem? This was the beginning of slamming doors in our face...

MYKONOS – Day 2 – We found the tickets

After a minor sleep in we raced out of bed and ran to reception like a bunch of lunatics to call the hotel information office. We wanted to see if they had our tickets. We couldn’t get through in the morning. So we decided to wait. Meantime we grabbed some breakfast.

Finally the reception guy managed to get through and found our tickets. This was a great relief. We had our tickets. We had to quickly rush down to the port again and collect our tickets. After claiming our tickets it was a major group hugging session. We must have looked like we just won lotto.

We caught a bus to Paradise beach or as I would call it Panadol beach. We arrived in hope of swimming and getting a nice tan. Trust me it didn’t happen. We sat down and the minute I turned my head I realised there were tits and cocks in my face. Half the people on this beach were naked. God what were some of them thinking honestly?

This is where we found Christine’s sugar daddy. Christine my heart bleeds for you. If you could only see him. I wish I had my camera to take a picture of him. He was probably 70 years old and had a 25 cm piece of hair sticking out of his ears and nose.

We tried relaxing on the chairs but were disturbed when the guy came to collect money for the chairs and umbrellas. You have to love Europe. You’re always paying for something. I suppose its quite good because the chairs were quite comfortable and the umbrella was a bonus.

I think we could lie under the sun for a whole week and still not get a tan. I felt like nothing was happening. I decided to wander around and check the beach out. I strolled into the water at one stage and felt like I was in the freezer. I managed to race back to my chair.

We ended up at the hotel later that evening for a siesta before handling tonight.

First night @ MYKONOS

The first night at Mykonos brought many incidents to our trip. It started off when we went shopping around. The first local woman we spoke to was the owner of this painting shop. She told us that she does this for fun. Who has a shop for fun? Doesn’t she have anything better to do? I suppose on such a small island you’re quite limited to doing things.

Anyway she recommended we go to Marco Polo for dinner. So we searched on the map she gave us. When we finally got to Marco Polo tavern we found out that the restaurant was closed and it would reopen tomorrow.

After a short walk around the Mykonos streets we found a restaurant to sit in. We waited like 20 minutes for the waiter to bring us menus. Finally I got sick of waiting so I got up to go get the menus myself. As I got up the waiter walked smack bang into. I asked for the menu. We ordered a few dishes. I had my first Mykonos moussaka. However it wasn’t real moussaka. It was quite disappointing that it didn’t come in the moussaka pot like in Athens.

After dinner we continued to walk around where I purchased my first oil painting. I seriously couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t going to buy it because we were going clubbing but I thought what the hell.

We looked around for bars. We were told that SKANDINAVIAN bar disco is where everyone goes. We headed to the Skandinavian bar around 11pm. People just started to come. We walked upstairs to the disco. We spent 60 dollars at the bar on 4 drinks. Quite expensive I say. I had a vodka and orange juice. The night began…

I’m quite limited on what I can write about apparently. We made a pack that what ever happened on the island stays on the island. Hehe Lets just say we met a few weird locals.

The night got interesting when we hit the dance floor. A chick kept looking at me. Finally she swang over, grabbed me and dragged me to the otherside. I was in shock as to what the hell was happening. Before I knew it her friend was taking a photo of us. After the photo I headed back to my group. I was thinking what the hell was all of that about. Did she think I was some celebrity at the bar? Or was I going to end up on some porn site? Maybe she was taking the photo home and claiming I was her one night stand. Who knows?

While we were dancing an incident occurred when we looked over to the bar. We saw Josh’s butt crack. More than what we wanted to see on the night. I think I was too drunk to even care. The night featured the French guy, the freaky guy and of course our Greek guy Johnny. I can't say more than this...

I have no idea what was going on when I sat down to recover from the tragic music that was 12 months old. All I heard was we must get out of here. I was dragged out of a nightclub with me screaming its only 1am. Who goes home at Mykonos?

We spent the evening walking back to the hotel. The worst part is we had to climb uphill to get to it. I jumped on my bed thinking Skandinavian bar…

Oh before I forget we met Pedros that night. I think its Petros but I prefer to write it as Pedros.

We Lost the tickets – Day 1 MYKONOS

We lost the tickets for our ferries! We searched the whole hotel room inside out. Bags were flying everywhere; I was lifting the bed sheets for crying out loud. We had no idea where our ferry tickets were. All we remember was that they were in a flight centre packet. We started to trace our steps. We finally remembered the last place we took the tickets out was at the hotel information desk. Could we have left them there? I rushed down to the reception to make a call. We called up the hotel information office and it was closed. Well it was like 6pm by now. What the hell were we going to do? No tickets!

Trevor called...

I was in the shower, the bathroom flooded. I have no idea how.

The phone rang. I rushed out. Trevor called. Who the hell is Trevor?

Trevor called and asked for Kerry.

We don't know who Kerry is. Why is Trevor calling us? Who the hell is Kerry?

Was he looking for Cherry? I was confused. We were all confused. No one knew what the hell was going on.

The phone call made me rush out of the bathroom. The floors were wet. I was dripping in water. I could barely keep one of my eyes open cuz there was still a bit of soap in there.

Trevor called. He never called again. We never worked out who Trevor was or who Kerry was.

A Mykonos mystery…

Mykonos - First Views

As soon as we stepped out of the ferry I had a quick glance around me. Mykonos seemed different to what I had pictured it to be. It seemed more deserted than the party island I was looking for. It seemed smaller than what I had imagined it to be. We starting walking randomly until we noticed that we actually never considered how the hell we were going to the hotel from here. I mean seriously we usually cover our tracks and this was the first time we were stuck standing in the middle of nowhere. As we started walking a bunch of people with leaflets started screaming random stuff at us. For a minute I thought they were asking for autographs or something. Finally I had been discovered. Soon reality hit me. This was turning into a prison riot. People were screaming and pulling about room accommodation. What the hell were these people on? They were begging us to stay with them. We quickly managed to make an exit but not before screaming we already have freaking accommodation hehe

We managed to stroll into the hotel information services and find out how to get to our hotel. We quickly rushed back out and caught a taxi. This is where we realised that taxis don’t have a meter in Mykonos. The cab driver pulls out a random figure from his butt and you have to pay for it. What the hell is that about?

Finally we managed to get to the hotel. I think the cab ride costed us 5 Euros. We managed to check in and have a nap before the phone rang…

View of MYKONOS
Nautiboy Productions

View of MYKONOS
Nautiboy Productions

The Trip to MYKONOS

A 5:30am wake up call to prepare for the day. It’s throwing all you can in a suitcase again. Dashing downstairs to find the breakfast room to eat.

6:30am – the private taxi picks us up and drags us to the port. Were wandering around the port for 15 minutes trying to find the correct ferryboat to jump on. When we finally manage to find the correct boat we manage to dump our luggage in the luggage room with the cars. Lets hope their still there when we get back.

7:30am – We spend 15 minutes arguing as to where to sit on the bloody ferry. We take a ferry trip upstairs where it’s freezing cold. We decide it’s not a good idea so head back down and sit near the coffee shop. Later we discover there were nice comfortable chairs inside with a TV.

8:00am – Were starting to pass out on the table due to the motion sickness tablets. They really make you sleepy. After drifting away for a short time we decide to get up and make a list of all the freaks we know. Were quite disgusted that we only have 4 page and cherry’s on each page twice.

10:00am – We decide to buy coffee to wake up. Oishi brings be back a coffee that’s ice cold. Apparently its coffee with half a freezer of ice inside. What's that about?

11:00am – We decide to have our first Pita from Goodies. The Pita was quite filling and yummy.

12:00pm – We arrive to the first Island. From memory I think its Tinos. I look outside and the island seems small and deserted. We continue on. We decide to get up and swap seats where there is 2 kids yelling and screaming in my ear.

12:30pm – I pull out a camera and start filming randomly. We arrive to the second Island. This island is half missing. It doesn’t even look like there is life on the island. I can’t believe so many people got off at this island. What the hell were they thinking?

1:00ish – I think we arrived to Mykonos. We run downstairs to check on our luggage. We manage to find it still there. Drag the suitcases out and wait on the escalator for half an hour.

1:30pm – Were waiting for the gates of the ferry to open. I feel like we are in a prison riot when the red alarm starts to go off. I’m thinking I should pull out my camera and start filming this. There’s like 200 people behind me waiting to jump off this ferry. Finally the doors are released and were at Mykonos…

Welcome to Athens…

Continuing on from the whole Turkish German guy thing. We arrived safely in Athens. After spending two hours at the airport from trying to organise things it was time to head to the hotel.

We jumped into a cab at the airport. The cab driver seemed nice enough. The meter started running like a tap left on. As we were driving through Athens the cab driver kindly pointed out a few tourist spots. We finally arrived to the hotel. The bill came to 47 Euros. We asked the cab driver how much it was and he immediately responded 50 Euro. I mean what time of a sick person rounds up the figure. Its bad enough were paying like a 100 Australian dollars. I couldn’t believe the nerve of this Greek guy standing in front of me demanding 50 Euros to get to the city centre. We got screwed hard! I suppose the 3 Euros went to his sightseeing tour...

We arrived at the hotel in hope of resting and grabbing some lunch. After dumping our stuff and rushing back down to reception to ask what time our tour package guys are picking us up tomorrow for the Greek island tours we were confronted by the reception bitch.

This hotel has a deal with the tour package that were doing. That’s why we actually booked this hotel. Were standing at reception waiting for this woman to tell us what time the tour guys are picking us up and she has no idea. She kept insisting it was Saturday and that the tour company was closed. I’m standing there thinking what good are you to us for crying out loud.

While the reception bitch is chewing away on something I notice a huge envelope behind her with our names on it. I ask her if that is for us. She turns in surprise and realises that it’s actually ours. Then she goes on to tell us that the tour company just delivered it. I mean for crying out loud we just checked in. She knows our names. The tour company just dropped the envelope off to her. What kind of a nut wit like her decides to work at reception when she can’t even assist the guests? Finally we open the envelope and find out all the details. I wonder what the hell would of happen if I didn’t point out the envelope to her. She would probably sit at reception all day forgetting about the envelope.

After dashing out of reception we headed to a café to eat. Along the way we discovered Athens “Pitt St” Mall. At the café we had our first Moussaka and Souvlaki.

Before exploring Athens we decided we should empty our memory sticks on the camera in order to take heaps of photos. We walk into this dodge little photo shop in some back alley. The guy tells us its 5 Euros per CD. We order 2 CDs. We leave a few memory sticks with him. When we rock up he claims we owe him 15 Euros. Apparently his charging us $2.50 per extra memory stick. This guy screwed us over big time. Anyway I ask if we can check the CDs and he insists that he burnt the photos on the CD and he cant multitask.

Apparently his burning another CD and he cant check our photos. So were crusing around Athens wandering if we have the photos on this CD. So my next suggestion is to go into another photo shop and ask to print a few pictures from the CD. We stroll into another tiny photo shop where we can all barely fit in. Before I even manage to open my mouth she tells me that she’s closing for the day. FFS who closes the shop at 2pm?

Finally we find an internet café to check the photos. My god the Internet café is built in the sky. We walk up theses never ending stairs. I think we must have walked up 8 or 9 flights of stairs. I was convinced I was having an asthma attack on the 6th floor.

We thought the rest of the day should be spent exploring the Acropolis. Now this is where the incidents occur. We manage to catch a train to the closest station and walk up to the Acropolis. Outside the station I decide to ask this guy which way the Acropolis is. While his giving me directions he is fully touching his private parts. I mean who the hell touches himself while giving tourist instructions. Where the hell do I find theses freaks?

We go to purchase our tickets where a tour guide who offers to take us for a tour for 15 euros each confronts us. We kindly refuse but regret later. After buying our tickets and this is where my student card comes in handy. I manage to obtain my ticket for half the price. They sell us 6 tickets. Apparently you have 3 days to use all the tickets to various venues.

We start climbing up to the Acropolis. We stop for minor photo shoots. Along the way we are stopped by two lesbians who request we take some shots of them with Athens in the background. After doing so we continue on our way. My friend drops her camera and cracks the lenses. We know this is a sign and it can't be good.

Finally we arrive to the top. The ruined buildings are amazing. Collapsed bits and pieces of stones. You gotta love it. We do some filming of the Acropolis, introducing it on camera. Spend about two hours up there. Then we walk back down feeling all sore from the climbing. We decide to check the map to see what else is around. We notice on the map that the Acropolis wasn’t what we just saw. That was the Parthenon. We manage to get into a panic attack as we have so little time left before the area closes. We decide to run to the actually Acropolis. We dash through the woods to take a short cut, almost got lost and fall from trying to run downhill. While running down the bloody bush I point out a guy peeing. What is it with me spotting guys peeing honestly?

We manage to make it to the Acropolis. While trying to obtain our breath we start filming crazily on camera. We indicate that this is actually the Acropolis and not the previous building. After filming I decide to read the history of the building and notice that this is actually the temple of thissio or something and not the Acropolis.

Once again we step into panic mode and can’t decide what to do. We pull out the map and try and work out what’s happening. Were too confused. We spot a tour guide. We decide to ask her where the Acropolis is. She seems more confused then we are. She points to the direction we just came from. I mean how the hell did we miss it on the way. Did we see it before we came? Was it the building we saw? We ask her if that was it. She takes the map looks at it and tries giving us some directions. She’s more confused then we are. I think we confused her by asking where the Acropolis is. I pull out my camera and show her pictures we just took. She looks at them and cant pin point the Acropolis and then she says "yes I think its this one". FFS a tour guide doesn't even know. What are you on woman?

Anyway we check our watches and notice that there is 15 minutes left to closing so we decide to give up and just wander to a café. We argue for the next 20minutes where the Arocopolis is.

Later we are informed that the Acropolis refers to the whole site including the Parthenon. We spent the whole afternoon looking for a building, which was called the Acropolis.

The evening continues as we managed to find a café to sit in after my friend insisted she wanted something sweet but then decided not to have something sweet. Inconsiderate people honestly!

Anyway were sitting at the café near the door. The door is wide open so we can watch outside. I’m holding onto the menu when this one eyed woman dressed in freaky clothes comes right up to us. She gives my friend a death stare with her one eye and then vanishes. We both freak out thinking what the hell was that. I tell my friend the one eyed woman just cursed her. She freaks out totally. Only if she knew what was to come in the next few days…

Mavi Kosk (Blue Palace)

Ok another moment in Cyprus, which I forgot to write about earlier. My cousins for some reason decided to take me to an escaped gunmen’s house in Cyprus. After travelling for around 2 hours we arrived at the blue palace. This palace cannot be seen from anywhere outside. The palace is safely designed to hide itself within trees and its surroundings.

A half Italian half Greek mafia guy apparently built it in the 1950s. This was great. I was finally inside some mafia’s house, wandering around like a lunatic looking for clues. The palace seemed quite small from the outside but once inside the building it’s quite huge. The rooms are intriguing as there’s a gigantic milk bath smack bang in one of the living rooms. I mean for crying out loud who builds a milk bath in the middle of the living room.

The rooms are all labelled according to colour. The red room for example is the mafia communication room. It’s where they plot their attacks and deal with their stolen money. The most intriguing thing in this room is the framed picture of Virgin Mary. Wherever you walk in the room her eyes, hands and legs face you. This kind of freaked me out at first as I thought someone was watching me behind the painting but then I thought what is this Scooby doo.

The blue room is for the mafia’s boss to entertain his special guests. He has several flings in this room and everything in the room is blue. This room also has a special safety box hidden in the wall. Maybe for his stolen gstrings?

The green room, which strangely enough has red furniture. This room is used for guests in general.

The Pink room – is the mafia’s boss’s room. This room is awesome as it has fantastic views from both sides of the room. A secret tunnel passage is behind his bed. He used this secret passage to escape when the cops came smashing into his house. He was clever enough to escape yet again. Reminds me of Cherry for some reason.

In his master bedroom is a huge makeup mirror. Some say he used to dress up as a woman to escape. Some say it was just him enjoying dressing up as a woman. This would explain the 2 pink robes in his wardrobe he left behind before he escape.

The earthquake room – is a separate room that was built and joined onto the house to protect them from any earthquake. This is quite intriguing as the room is separate from the rest of the house.

The yellow room – has a giant statue on top of a draw. This statue apparently falls over and informs the entire household if there is an earthquake.

There are several other rooms such as the terrace room, tavern room and pool bar room which I wont go into detail with. There are however 2 pools outside. One is a small pond shaped like an evil eye where people make donations. The theory is your wish should come true if you throw a coin in and it lands on heads. Yes we kept throwing coins in but all we got was tails. I think we spent quite a bit of money in that pond.

The pool – This pool was used to entertain guest and the mafia’s boss. The mafia dude would stand on the balcony above the pool sucking on an apple. Finally he would throw the apple into the pool and who ever catches it would have the pleasure of spending the night with him. This didn’t matter if a guy or girl caught it.

Mr Purple Head

Another incident in Istanbul I forgot to mention earlier. I was at the hairdressers with my friend when I decided to get them to put some red in my hair. The aim was that I should have a huge patch of red in the middle of my hair. You think they can get this right as it’s the most popular look in Turkey due to Tarkan. I ended up with Purple hair which looked redish at times. Will have to post up pictures later to show what I looked like.

The Cursed Ring

The threats continue......

So I go to class again yesterday trying to finish off your pathetic ring which has taken me over 6 hours to make.

The teacher buys a new, heavy duty, mother of all blow torches and guess who was the first to try it out? The flame was long and burnt fiercely. I bet it could burn a whole town in less than 10 seconds. Anyway, I heat up ur ring (for the 100th time) so I could shape it. I had to change it because it was cut crooked (due to the fact that I cut myself with the pliers) to fit your damn wiry, twig-like fingers.

The Death Threat Email

Some people have issues and this death threat was quite touching.......

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Hey you!

In my silver jewellery making class I decided to make u a cute ring (and me a matching one of course). So I grab the strip of silver, mark to your stupid ring size, grab the pliers and carefully attempt to cut it. As soon as it came to close, my middle finger got caught in the handles and I started to bleed.

I now have a fear of pliers.

My blood is all over ur ring. I hope you appreciate the lengths I go to to keep u happy.

Are u coming back or what? I want to throw the ridiculous ring straight at your head.


Tonight I stick the needle in the "u know where" of my voodoo doll. We don't want you to reproduce.

Due to popular demand

The Turkish German Guy Again…


Ok this Turkish German Guy seems to be a popular topic at the moment as I have received several emails and questions about it.

Firstly I have no idea if he was a drug dealer or pusher. All I got told was he was in Athens to collect a package. YES a package. I have no idea what was supposed to be in the package but there was no package waiting for him in Athens. Surprise surprise.

Secondly his name was Ugur. He was 27 years old. How do I know all of this? Well I had to translate theses details while trying to buy him a plane ticket. He had a Turkish passport and was trying to get to Germany to see his Uncle in Frankfurt. However we couldn’t get him a plane ticket to Frankfurt so he had to buy a ticket to Munich and make his own way to Frankfurt.

Problem number 2 – He couldn’t buy a one- way ticket as they thought he was running off to Germany for good or something. So we had to get a return ticket from Munich to Istanbul. Which is quite strange as the ticket was cheaper for return.

He was supposed to return to Istanbul on the 10th of September. I have no idea if the Turkish German guy came back. For further details please contact Ataturk Airport in Istanbul…

Forgot to Mention... The Earthquake

EarthQuake In Istanbul

Yes I forgot to mention a minor detail in my trip. I was smack bang in the middle of an earthquake in Istanbul. I was having a nap when the windows on the doors started to shake. As I jumped up trying to put the pieces of the puzzle in my head as to what the hell was happening, a friend of mine came crashing into my room to tell me.

I jumped out of bed in boxers of course trying to decide which camera I should take before I leave the building. Yes I know normal people would look for their pants but I was more concerned on what footage I could obtain.

Eventually after throwing on my jeans and rushing to the living room where my friend was having a panic attack I noticed half the apartment outside talking about it. The news was immediately switched to the earthquake and measurements of 4.5 were being quoted left right and centre.

My friend wanted us to go down to the park so I told her we could I just wanted to take a shower first. Yes I know who takes a shower in the middle of an earthquake but hey who knows who could be at the park and I didn’t want to be smelly.

So after a quick shower we headed out to a cay bahcesi ie a tea house. We waited for the sequel and apparently there was one but no one even felt it.

The Turkish German Guy

I knew stepping into Athens would be a great drama from day one. Five minutes into the airport a turkish guy turned around and asked if I was turkish and If I could help him get a flight to Germany. Apparently I looked like a turk so he thought he would ask me.

The whole story was he had to pick something up from Athens before heading back to Istanbul. The package he was picking up was already shifted off and now he had nothing to do in Greece so he wanted to go to Frankfurt to see family.

I spent over 30mins during to find him a flight to Frankfurt however all flights were booked out so we managed to get him a flight to Munich and then his planning on catching a train to Frankfurt.

He wasnt allowed to buy a one way ticket due to his turkish visa so we had to book him a return flight back to Istanbul from Munich. After all the booking he offered to buy me a drink but he didnt have time cuz he had to board his plane. For crying out loud why do I find all theses people...?

Athens here we come...

We got to Istanbul Airport only to find that we have no check-in counter. We walked around for awhile before they decided that people going to Athens will need to checkin (Well DER!) After checking in we headed towards our gate as we were allowed to start boarding. We got to the gate where they wouldn't let us board because that gate was to London. ?????????????? 15mins before we were to take off did they change the gate to Athens! GRRRR We haven't even left Istanbul and we've been screwed left right and centre!

We FINALLY made it onto the plane only for me to discover that my seat was broken.
Everytime I leaned back, the back of the chair would flip down.

After all the incidents, we made it safely to Athens only for the airline to forget our luggage. The entire plane was standing around the belt waiting for the luggage for over 30mins before anything came out! Collecting our luggage we headed towards customs where there was no customs. What kind of a sick customs do Greece have? You can smuggle in a dead pelican for all you care.

The Whole Blanket Incident

This one is for the records. Arriving in Ortakoy to have dinner by the water. Its quite windy and Im freezing my balls off waiting for my kofte. As we look around we notice that people are comfortably wrapped in blankets. I was quite excited at the fact that they were distributing blankets in the resturant during this weather. So we grab a blanket each and I become so attach to it then I refuse to hand it back.

Finding Freaks

As we were leaving the Grand Bazaar, we noticed this guy(?) standing outside a shop. His whole posture said woman but everything else said penis. I guess you had to be there to appreciate the freaks we see...

Confessions to a Window

We notice this woman standing infront of an abandoned building talking to the window. We have no idea WTF she was doing. Praying? Confession? OMG! She was talking to the window of truth! We tried to take a photo of the woman but we were distracted by the sirens on an ambulance tearing down the street only to skid to a stop 15m from us where a woman and a baby was lying on the ground. Our first reaction was to scream "CHERRY!" By then the crazy window talking woman had disappeared.

The Palace that SANK!

Day 2 In Istanbul with the dramas...

The first stop of the day was the Sunken Palace which is basically a palace that has....sunk. We discovered that the palace is actually a shrine for Cherry's toe where she displays her tropheys of kidneys by hanging them from balloons from the ceiling. (Long story)

Cherrys Underground sunken palace that we discovered has managed to help us tie up my movie Hidden Intentions. With Cassandras head buried in a pole and the toe goddess we have enough footage to last us for a sequel...

The Porn Cinema

Taksim square. The home of the night life in Istanbul. Cafes, restaurants, shops, scarves, Porn cinemas, deserts and CDs! Out of all of those shops, we decided to go visit a porn cinema. Like what the hell were we thinking?

We paid for our tickets, walked in when a guy asked us for a "Service fee". We paid the guy the service fee trying to figure out what it was for. We walked through a security check while the alarms went off.

We walk to the seating area when the entire cinema turned and stared at us. We quickly turned and got the hell out of there. Before leaving I noticed USED tissues all over the floor, a bunch of old guys sitting in the back row seats. Now I know what the service fee was for!!!

I mean what the hell were we thinking going into a porn cinema. There was only one way to recover and that was to head to starbucks to shove as much coffee down our throats as possible. The only problem was the coffee wasnt helping as we kept laughing our heads off about the porn cinema. Of course this also lead to some HI scripting and finally us heading back to the porn cinema so I can get a photo taken outside of it...

The Aircon from hell

Our air conditioning was broken. The porter was tring to demo to us how simple it was to turn the aircon on. After banging on random buttons for awhile, he realised that it was screwed. So he goes and calls some other guy to come in and try and fix the damn thing.

A guy rocks up to look at it and after a few minutes turns around and says "No problem". We ask him whether the air condition is fixed and he replys "Technical Service" and then walks out. Aircon remains broken until an hour later when another guy rocks up to "fix" the aircon only to find that some asshole had manually turned the aircon off!

The Hotel Mess

After dumping our gear at the hotel cuz the room wasnt ready we quickly headed to the Grand Bazaar to do some urgent shopping. But not before stopping for some turkish coffee where we discovered a "camel" in the coffee cup reading. Is this a sign for whats to come?

We decided to head towards Taksim Square which is like the Pitt St mall of Istanbul. When we got there, we noticed that there was riot/bomb squads EVERYWHERE! Like every intersection! Just swarms of them standing on the street ready to charge!! LIKE OMG!! Cherry is stalking us! So we did the most logical thing. We ran to the nearest phone booth and called cherry.

Unfortunetly, she wasn't answering her phone so we just left an abusive message. Whether Cherry is stalking us remains a question...

Running away from the bomb squad, we headed back to our hotel to check in so we can shower before we go out again. We get to the hotel only to find out that their Internet booking has been stuffed (Despite the fact that I didn't book via the net) and that we have no room! BUT, this is the best bit, they went and upgraded us to another hotel down the road which is "poshier" than the one we were going to stay in! So we trudged on over to the hotel and checked into our room.

Istanbul at its best

I returned to Istanbul for a few days in order to prepare for my next big adventure coming up. I was meeting up with 2 of my friends to do a 2 week holiday session with them. On the 30th I had to wake up really early to get to the airport to pick them up. I managed to track down a cab in Ferikoy at 7am. Its quite difficult trying to find a cab around down. The cab was extremly fast. I think I arrived at the airport in less than 20mins.

After meeting up it was a mad rush to get to the hotel to start shopping and sighseeing together. We jumped into a cab to head to Sultanahmet. My friend is right in saying - Indicators mean nothing. Speed limits mean nothing. Pedestrian crossings mean nothing. Lane markings mean nothing. You will be going at 60km/hr when the driver will slam on the brakes because someone decides to cross the road. What can I say " Welcome to Istanbul"...

Back to Cyprus

After arriving back in Istanbul I decided to go back to Cyprus to explore further...

This time I crossed over from the Turkish side to the Greek side to explore further. The Greek side seems much more organised. Their is more greeny as well. The shops and department stores are more common to back at home. However it is impossible to buy anything here. To get one dollar in Cyprus Liras we have to pay 3.5 dollars in Australian dollars.

Salamis Bay - I decided to visit more stones by heading to Salamis bay where you find broken stones from Greece. It was 35 degrees while I was trying hard to take photos of stones fallen from poles. Dont ask me why... Im still trying to work it out.

Nightclubs in Cyprus - I didnt exactly reaslise what a nightclub was in Cyprus. I told my cousins I wanted to go to a nightclub and they looked at me funny and my cousin agreed to take me. So we got ready and drove to a nightclub and we parked outside. My cousin wouldnt come down and I was like why not. She then explained to me what a nightclub was in Cyprus. Apparently a nightclub is a brothel not a disco. We drove off while I died from laughing at the whole incident.

Cappadocia In Brief

After spending some time in Istanbul I decided to head to Cappadocia in Turkey to see some broken stones and camels. The trip was quite long. I caught a bus at midnight and arrived in Cappadocia at 10am the next day. Here I was looking forward to going to the hotel to shower and sleep for a while but the tour guide decided that we should do some sighseeing and head to the hotel around 4pm. This of course didnt happen. We ended up at the hotel at 6:30pm where we had 45minutes to get dressed and go down for dinner before leaving to go to a mevlana show.

For all that dont know what a mevlana show is well basically its the spinning dervishes. You sit in a theatre and watch a bunch of guys spin on their toes for about an hour. What is the significance you may ask? Well this may take a while to explain and I cant be bothered typing it out so just ask me when you see me or go to yahoo and type " Spinning dervishes".

The show was amazing. Its quite breath taking seeing it live rather than seeing it on TV.
This Cappadocia tour was quite hectic as we were taken to a pottery factory, a wine factory, a diamond factory and a carpet and rug factory. Of course everything was a huge scam to rip you off.

The stones in Cappadocia is quite amazing. I havent seen stones like this. I have no idea how theses stones have been shaped like this. I spotted several camels along the way. You have to pay $2 to take a photo with a camel. Whats the world coming too honestly.

Asmali Konak - Most people know about this palace as they have watched the Turkish soapie or movie. It was quite exciting actually being inside the palace and being able to take pics of the rooms. Even though most of the rooms were closed we were running around madly taking photos. This caused a problem as we ended up missing the bus back to the hotel cuz we were 5 minutes late due to our photo session.

The turkish night - We went to a Turkish night called Yasar Baba. I have to say this was the best resturant I have been to in a long time. The entertainment was amazing. Turkish folk dancing, bellydancing, Kina gecesi show and much much more. Eventually everyone was drunk enough to get up and start dancing. A line dance was created which lead everyone outside to the front of the resturant were there was a huge bon fire happening. People danced in front of the fire with live instruments playing in the back ground. I cant say much more as the evening slowly became blurry....

I Lost my Shoes

You start to realise that its almost time to head back home when you start to lose things. I have no idea how I have but Ive lost my black shoes. Travelling between hotels, taxis and friends I seemed to have lost them. If anyone finds them I think they should wear them for the sake of it.

Its been almost 5 months and trust me living out of a suitcase is no fun. Its starting to annoy the hell out of me.