A GOOD DEED NEVER GOES UNNOTICED

One Sick Gus

That stupid Inconsiderate GUS is to be blamed for all of this. It’s beyond me why I bother. The guy decides to have surgery on his leg and doesn’t tell anyone but Oishii. I still don’t understand why on earth I thought I’d do a good deed and rock up to the hospital to visit him. Anyone that knows me should know that I can’t do any good deed. Last time I tried was on my birthday a few years back when I tried buying dinner for a homeless woman. It just didn’t happen. The homeless woman who usually calls the bus stop on Liverpool St in Ashfield home was conveniently not there on the night I tried taking some dinner to her. One can never win.

So I rock up to Burwood where I run around like a lunatic to find Gus a balloon and some flowers while Oishii took care of the teddy bear and chocolates. We jump into the car and speed off to Concord Hospital to find Gus dopped on drugs…

The prick's leg

Even for me it was too scary. Gus was way too happy for my liking. I want what ever he is on. The wanker decides to show us his cut, which is center smack bang next to his groin. Apparently they shaved the entire area. Too much information for me already mate. On that note I start to abuse him for not telling me about his operation. He states he only told Oishii because he knew she would tell everyone. Right I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not to her.

Moving right along we discover Gus hasn’t subscribed to have the TV for the night so it looks like it’s up to us to entertain our friend. Since he had access to a radio we told him to listen to MIX 106.5 because I would make a love song dedication to him with the love god Richard. We came up with some story that we would tell Richard that Gus got run over by a car or taxi.

Driving home we realized that Richard was on holidays which meant we couldn’t make the love song dedication. We had to swing into plan b – make our own. Before dropping Oishii home I pulled over into a street a few blocks away from Oishii’s house to record our own love song dedication to Gus.

Oishii pulls out her phone, I switch the engine off and we discuss the brief outline of the script. We start recording the dedication and crack up in between but manage to finish the love song dedication. We dedicate "Milkshake" by Delta Goodreem but due to technical problems we manage to play "Crazy in love" By Beyonce instead.

While Oishii is sending the recorded dedication to Gus I try to start my car when I realize that the car wont start. I keep trying, thinking I’ve some how locked the wheel but the car wont start. FUCK were stranded in the middle of no where!

My car broke down in the middle of no where opposite some freaky deserted park that doesn’t even have a swing set. Within minute we realize this is what happens when you try and do a good deed. It’s behind me why I bother. The stupid could of rotten in hospital for all I care but no I had to be nice and go and spend money getting him crap to visit him in hospital. Gus you ungrateful prick, my car broke down because of you!

I quickly called my helpdesk – my dad. The poor thing was sleeping so my mum woke him up. My dad was on his way home. Meanwhile Oishii tells me her best friend Shirley (AKA the sperm technician) only lives a street away from where we broke down. So she decides to call Shirley for help. Oishii calls Shirley screaming down the phone that we have broken down and we need her help. Oishii also mentions three times that we need food. Within five minutes Shirley comes speeding down the road. She lives a street away but for some reason decided to get her boyfriend and brother to drive her. The best part she rocked up in a bathrobe.

The Sperm Technician in her bathrobe

For crying out loud who turns up in a bathrobe to a car breakdown. For some reason we were getting weirder looks from people going past now. To top things off Shirley didn’t believe us that we needed food so she came empty handed.

What the hell does this do?

Shirley and gang make the next 10 minutes interesting but decide to leave us, as they can’t assist further. As Shirley waves from her van my dad arrives to rescue us. The poor thing who ran out of the house half-asleep forgot to bring the jumper cables. So we all jump into my dad’s car to speed off to Ashfield Kmart.

God knowing my luck Nicole would be working there tonight and complicate my situation further. We park outside of Oishii car thinking it’s a Thursday night and there is no way we will find parking in the mall. Oishii and I ran out of the car to Kmart. We storm in and the guy at the front of the store, AKA the door bitch practically thinks we are about to bash the shit out of him. He looks quiet concern. I quickly race to the back of the store knowing where the auto department is. We only spot one type of jumper cables and decide to ask the guy working there if he has any other ones. The nutcase sales assistant has no clue what we are on about. His knowledge of the auto department is worse than ours. This store only employs freaks I’m telling you.

We grab the jumper cables and race to the front counter to pay. The chick serving us decides to do her banking when she should be serving us. At that point I was ready to slam the jumper cables onto her head. Stupid cow kept us waiting for 5 minutes.

We race out of the mall when Oishii asks "Would it be wrong if we stopped for a shot"! What the hell do you think woman?

We race back to the car when we realize we need scissors to cut this bloody thing open. Making the scissors the prime problem to get Oishii’s camera we manage to operate this situation well. Oishii storms out of the house with the scissors and of course her camera.

We arrive back to my car to get the thing working. My dad tells me to sit in his car to press on the gas when he says so. I press on the gas while my dad is yelling something but I can’t hear what is happening. My dad keeps yelling something, I keep pressing the gas but my car isn’t alive yet. Meanwhile Oishii is floating around like a spirit taking secret camera shots and footage. Every time my dad comes out of the car Oishii rans to the other side like a maniac pretending to do something else.

Rivving up the car...

Jump starting the car...

This is when Oishii suggests that she sits in the car while I understand the instructions from my dad and pass them onto her as she doesn’t understand Turkish.

So Oishii decides to rev up the engine, I jump off the seat and walk towards my car to hear my dad and this is when I turn around and tell Oishii " My dad said step on it hard".

The next thing I

know

VRRRRRROOOOOORRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMM!

I had to jump back because for a minute I thought my dad’s car was about to jump forward and over my car. What the hell was that about? I said step on it hard not explode the freakin engine woman! I’m surprised the car didn’t leap into the air and across the park the way she stepped on it. The only good thing that came from that was the CAR STARTED!!!

God I’m never going to hear the end of this…