Taksim with Bellboy

Bellboy has been doing my head in all week wanting me to go to this Turkish bar in Taksim. It’s apparently a bar with a guitar player singing Turkish songs. I agreed to shut him up as I missed his birthday bash previously.

The deal was I meet him outside of Sude Konak at 10:30pm. I waited and waited as bellboy was getting changed. He finally rocked up telling me we have to wait for the chef. My first reaction what the fuck for?

Apparently the chef was coming clubbing with us. Now from memory the chef I knew was old. So I’m standing there hoping that its not the old guy as it would be like clubbing with my own dad.

The chef walks out and I’m right it’s the old guy. There’s no way out getting out of this. Trust me it looks bad having an old guy next to you in Turkey. It’s like his your sugar daddy or something.

So we rock up to this bar in Taksim. Bellboy does his usual greeting as if he owns the place and walks in as we follow. The waiters quickly set up our table when some other random guy comes around to hug bellboy. It turns out to be bellboys cousin. Fuck now there’s two of them. Bellboy cousin is with two girls who have come to Istanbul from Tekirdag. Tekirdag is approx 2 hours out of Istanbul. We decide to combine our tables and I’ve very thankful as at least we have some girls sitting with us and the chef sugar daddy doesn’t draw much attention to us.

Well if its not the chef sugar daddy drawing the attention it’s the two girls. One of them looks like she plucked her hair like a chicken where as the other one hasn’t changed her hair style since the 80’s. Yes I know I have issues but lets not go there.

So here I am in the middle of Taksim with a 60 year old Chef, a plucked chicken and Miss Turkey 1982, something’s gotta give.

The night gets interesting as bellboy gets completed trashed on beer. His cousin reveals that his father has kicked bellboy out of the house a million times but he still keeps coming back for more. The plucked chicken is about to jump bellboy as she hasn’t had sex for like 10 years. Miss Turkey 1982 throws herself up to dance dragging anyone and everyone. While all of this is happening I have my head down hoping the embarrassment will eventually end but wait there’s still more.

The 60 year old Chef screams out of joyment that he has a friend coming. I don’t understand what the fuckin fuss is about. The only thing that worries me is its probably another old fart who has one foot in the grave.

20 minutes later the chef’s friend shows up and man did we get show when he rocked up. They practically had sex in front of us. It was then that I realised that the chef must be gay. God now I have a gay chef sugar daddy looking thing sitting at my table, can it get any worse?

I needed to quickly come up with a plan. Do I get completely trashed to avoid any further embarrassment or do I call for help? While I have a thousand and one ideas flashing in my head for my escape plan the gay chef and his gay friend excuse them selves claiming they are going somewhere else. 10 bucks says their going to have sex. As long as they are out of my face I don’t give a fuck.

Meanwhile bellboys cousin seems to be getting pissed off. I don’t blame him. He has a drunk cousin on my side, two gay guys making out on the other and the two chicks that haven’t been out since 1985.

Bellboy cousin gets the bill for him and the girls. I suddenly feel like I have hit the jackpot. If the cousin leaves with the girls then there’s a good chance bellboy and I will go home.

When bellboy sees his cousin paying the bill to get the hell out of here he grabs the bill and starts a screaming match across the table declaring he cant leave. God this is getting worse and worse by the minute. By the end of the night I wont be able to show my face in Taksim ever again.

After much argument bellboys cousin storms out leaving the two chicks behind. The two chicks are his guest but bellboy agrees to escort them home much later. The two chicks continue to party like its 1999.

We finally leave the joint only to be tossed into this nightclub with bellboy. Oh my god, I thought the other place was embarrassing wait till you hear about this one. We entered this nightclub after being searched like we were criminals to enter a dark room which is jam packed with lunatics. Picture the Skandanovian Bar in Mykonos cramped with three times as much.

I couldn’t breathe or walk. I was clued to people and unable to move. I was about to stab bellboy for brining us into this shit hole. Perhaps I’m getting to old for We finally leave the joint only to be tossed into this nightclub with bellboy. Oh my god, I thought the other place was embarrassing wait till you hear about this one. We entered this nightclub after being searched like we were criminals to enter a dark room which is jam packed with lunatics.

Picture the Skandanovian Bar in Mykonos cramped with three times as much. I couldn’t breathe or walk. I was clued to people and unable to move. I was about to stab bellboy for brining us into this shit hole. Perhaps I’m getting to old for nightclubs? I don’t even know how I would handle Mykonos right now. I don’t think the two chicks that came with us have ever gone into a place like this. It was like Luna park to them.

I finally managed to find a spot to stand in without having people brush their asses or cocks onto me. I told bellboy I was leaving at 3am as I had plans for tomorrow morning with my cousins.
We ended up leaving the club all together. Bellboy escorted the girls to the bus stop which was jam packed worst than the nightclub.

I think I had enough for one night!