Lady in the Water

Last night I went to the Premiere of Lady in the Water. I was quite excited to be going to a Premiere as I haven’t gone to one since my Austero days.

I arrived at the cinemas to be totally crashed when there was no red carpet. I got directed upstairs where there was no security or pass check. The least they could have asked was for my ticket. Not that I have one but I would like to be asked for one. Strolling upstairs I spotted the WB gang scattered around the bar.

You were entitled to one free drink. I immediately grabbed white wine and started sipping away when I noticed some people. Now for those that don’t know my replacement for WB was this guy called Andy. Apparently he called some reps in field “Darling” and the reps got offended by this. So he some how became the bitch slapping Italians Darling. Don’t question me on this one, question the Italian!

Anyway Andy got totally smashed on one glass of wine and started muttering things. Some where along the line he reveled that he had a job interview tomorrow and that he wanted to leave WB. This is within one foot of the manager who wasn’t impressed. Looks like the bitch slapping Italian is about to lose his Darling.

Moving right along we went into the movie theatre and sat ourselves down. The movie started within minutes and there were no previews. This was disappointing as I love the previews. I get really annoyed if there are no previews before the movie.

The movie started and within 15 minutes I was ready to rip someone’s arm out so we can all be rushed out of the movie theatre. The movie was extremely slow and it was torture. What the hell was this movie about? It was supposed to be based on a mythical Chinese story. I think Hidden Intentions would get more ratings if it was released.

The sound effects were the only best thing as the girl sitting next to me was jumping up and down. The movie wasn’t even scary for a start however she seemed to get caught in the moment of things and practically fall off her chair every time there was a loud bang.

When we walked out of the movie theatre the poor girl was in shock and practically in tears. God forbid if she watched Texas chainsaw Massacre. We would need an ambulance to take her out of the movie theatre.

The slutty Chinese girl in the movie was the only comic relief. She probably made the movie happen. The way she talked and walked made you laugh including her nutcase Chinese mother who kept screaming random Chinese at people. The only English words the woman knew were “NOT HOME” and then slapping the door. God reminds me of someone!

The movie got more ridiculous when they introduce this lawn dog who was after the girl who escaped from her land to bring a message to a human. The lawn dog was supposed to be scary but looked more like one of Fred’s green furry jackets.

The climax to the movie was the best laugh. They had to form some kind of ceremony which required 7 sisters, a healer, an interpreter and a guardian. God I’m so inspired to do a ceremony in Hidden Intentions with the left over cast.

My reviews on this are thumbs down. I wouldn’t waste your money or more importantly valuable time. If you want a laugh go watch Hidden Intentions!!!