I'm in NEW YORK!

As soon as the plane came to a complete stop, belts were off, people were shoved out of the way and it was full speed to get off this fuckin plane after what I had been through, I was tempted to find a meal to shove against that woman’s face sitting behind me. What kind of a sick person lets her kid cry for 8 hours straight. They should turn her into a Kosher meal for crying out loud.

I jump off the plane in panic and excitement as I realise that I’m in NEW YORK!!!!

I race across to passport control where I hear the kid screaming its lungs out again. Thinking the bitch is back behind me I notice that she’s like on the other side of the airport but god the kids scream was still reaching me. It was almost like it had been a permanent sound drummed into my ears.

I approach the passport control area and get my fingerprints taken. I can’t remember if they took my photo again. I don’t think they did as this was taken last year in 2004.

Next stop was to grab the bags before the transfer. I ended up waiting for my bag right next to some old bags who couldn’t get their bags off the wheel. So it was me to the rescue. God I hate being a nice guy at times. I should have shoved all the old bags out of my way to get my bags. Instead I stood there grabbing their bags off the wheel for them. Some of them were heavy as hell. I got my finger caught in one suitcase and it somehow ended up bleeding all over it. Stupid bitches get your own bags from now on. I got all shitty and stormed off to the other side waiting for my bags. Inconsiderate people making me lift their bags. It’s not like I carry a first aid kit around.

Now I thought I was travelling with a lot of bags. This is when I spot a guy loading his trolley with bags and bags. At some stage some airport guy decided to help him out and I think he ended up with 10 suitcases . God I’m so convinced that I’m travelling lightly now.

I found the bags and stormed out of there ready for a shuttle transfer. While waiting near the door I spot a Krispy Kremes that excites me. It’s been ages since I had one but the thought of having one that is left over scares me to death. I assume that I will be able to find plenty in the next few days. Besides I’m starving, I really should have dinner soon.

The transfer guy rocks up and packs our bags into the shuttle bus. Our bags end up right at the back and I stupidly decide to give him my camera bag as well to store in the back of the van. I jump into the van and there is only one other guy sitting there. Thinking this should be good, as we will only do one other stop it all comes crashing down on me.

We drove from our terminal to another terminal to pick up more passengers. Another two dicks jumped on board and then we hit another terminal. This went on until we hit terminal after terminal. I think we went through 5 or 6 terminals before the van was packed to the max. Our luggage was taking up most of the room so the transfer guy kept packing more and more bags on top trying to squeeze as much as possible. The back window was fully covered, I lost site of my camera bag and worried that some inconsiderate pricks suitcase would be on top of and break it. The luggage started to overflow the back seat where I was sitting as well. By the time the transfer van was packed, it took like an hour. Oh my god I could have been settled into my place by now. I was starving and we hadn’t even left the airport. God thoses Krispy Kremes look good now. Finally the van takes off and we start to see the New York streets.

By this time I was seriously tired and stressed. All I wanted was a quite trip to my place but instead the van freaks got me more abusive then ever. The Asian guy sitting in the front seat thought he was the tour leader. He wouldn’t shut the fuck up for one minute. We got a site commentary by him and at one stage I was ready to open the front door, grab him by the neck and throw him to on coming traffic.

The two clowns sitting behind me decided it would be a great trip if they clicked their fingers and knees to the radio for amusement. I’ll rather chop their fingers off with a knife and feed it to them. I just spent 8 hours listening to a screaming kid without sleep, the last thing I need is some lunatic clicking his fingers in my face.

When we started to hit the New York City center we got stuck in major traffic. I was tempted to cut the fingers off and feed them to myself by this stage. I was starving. I needed food. Thankfully someone had lollies in the van which I used to satisfy myself with.

Somewhere along the road we dumped the Asian tour leader wannabe before some other guy in the van decided to throw a tantrum about us being stuck in traffic. Its not my idea either you know mate. I don’t exactly like being stuck in this van with you. The guy insisted that he wanted to get dropped off somewhere here so that he can walk to his place. He thought walking would be quicker than this van and he was right. In his circumstance he had only a hand carry bag. I like to see me do it with suitcases and hand carry bags. Besides its not like I know the City.

Suddenly the guy started screaming. I thought he was about to pull out a gun the way he carried on. He started screaming pull the van to the side of the road. I’m getting out. I’ll get home faster if I walk. God man get out before you have an attack and slaughter us to death. The guy jumps out of the van and starts his marathon.

Luckily the next stop was The New Yorker, where I was heading. The van pulls to the side of the road and I can’t push and shove people out of my way fast enough. The minute I jump off the van I take a deep breath and realise I’m in New York.

A quick glance around me and I spot the busy streets of New York, the famous yellow taxi’s and of course the shinning lights of the New Yorker. We drag the bags out of the van after knocking half the others that were piled on top. I tip the guy and race inside to check in.