I'm In MYKONOS again........

Recapping - We just got off that hydrofoil ferry where I was scared to death, now we are standing on the footpath looking at the sign on the ferry "How are you?" HOW THE HELL DO U THINK I AM? STUPID F***IN FERRY!!!

We grab our suitcases and shove our way through the crowd to find our transfer guy. Thinking were going to be stood up again we are quite suprised to find a guy standing there with a paper in his hand with my name on it.

We approach him and he looks shocked. He was only expecting one person for the transfer. We did the booking on the internet and the invoice did state one person for the transfer but the room was for two people.

We insisted we paid for it and he didnt argue with us, so we followed him to the van feeling exhausted but happy we are in Mykonos. We jump into the van and start our journey to Mykonos town. Five minutes later the guy pulls to the side of the road to lead us to our apartment through thoses famous Mykonos alleyways.

The guy shows us our apartment which is situated high like its the second floor or something with a very tight stairway. The thing with this stairway was that there was no railings to hold onto. So trying to drag our suitcases up the stairs was hell.

The guy opens our apartment, while we stand there. Here we are thinking its going to be a medium size apartment when we notice we are in some shoebox. The serviced apartment was supposed to contain a kitchenette. This is why we went to the effort of stocking up on breakfast needs. All we see in this room is two beds, a table and a mini fridge. To my disgust there was no air-con, TV or Kitchen.

The guy helps me drag the suitcases up to the room and I decide to tip him. Realising I have no notes left I tip him in coins. I head back into the room and we both jump on our beds pratically squashed to death in this room trying to recap what a day its been already. It then hits me that we only paid for one transfer and that we saved some cash. This is when Nagasaki asks how much did you tip the guy. I reply 6 Euros. Nagasaki practically falls off the bed screaming the transfer was 7 Euros per person, we practically paid for the second transfer. I stop to think and then burst out laughing.

Moral of the story - Don't tip when you exhausted and had a near death experience.

After a brief rest period we decide to go in search of our local friends... Well stalking the locals.

Recapping from 2004 - We made friends with the $40 dollar woman, The crazy hat woman, The exchange woman, Johnny and the list goes on......

Now you may ask me why on earth I have come back to Mykonos a year later after I complained so much in 2004 after being trapped on the island. For thoses regular readers, they would know that I was trapped on Mykonos in 2004 due to bad weather. Which meant no ferries or flights off the island. We had been in Mykonos for 4 days during a non tourist season. So there wasn't much partying going on. You could count the people in the clubs basically. So what did we do? Go around harrasssing locals and obessessing over them. Well I'm back for closure. I need everyones photos to end this obessession!

First stop is the 24hour cafe. Recapping from 2004 the 24 hour cafe was like a 6hour cafe. You were luckly to find the place open. We rock up to only discover that the 24 hour cafe has actually closed down. To our disgust, after how many hours we spent here last year we walk off for the next best thing.

We race over to the exchange store to see the exchange woman. We panic when we enter the store to find the exchange woman is missing. In fact the counter was empty. We hear some noise coming from one of the rooms which we assume is a toilet. IT WAS DISGUSTING. We didn't know if the person in the toilet was vomitting, shitting or was constipated or all of the above. I was about to throw up when Nagasaki insisted on waiting because we had to exchange money.

A few seconds later this GIANT guy who barely fitted through the toilet door squeezed himself towards the counter. While walking he was coughing and sweating continously. We quickly approached him avoiding eye contact, handed over the money and made the quickest getaway possible. We felt sick and disappointed that the exchange woman wasnt there. SO we went to have lunch feeling confused.

We enter this kebab shop to order some souvalaki's. The guy barely understands english I think. We order 2 chicken souvalaki plates and wait. A few minutes later the guy shoves a pitta roll into my hand. I look at him thinking he must have the wrong order. We tell him that we ordered the plates but decide to take the roll but inform him that we ordered two. So the guy makes another one for us. We then notice that this isn't a souvalaki but a pitta roll. We complain to the guy and he tell us that they only make pork souvalaki not chicken. WTF? Why couldnt you explain this from the begining. We couldnt be bothered arguing this further. So we grab the second pitta roll and rush outside to eat.

After lunch its time to track down some locals. We wander around the little alley ways in Mykonos town to look for locals and OIL PAINTINGS. The plan was to head towards our $40 dollar woman to tortrue her more.

We made a minor stop at the constipated woman's shop who was extremely happy this year. Looks like business has picked up. Next stop is the crazy hat woman who is no longer wearing her ridiculous hat. Somewhere along the way we checked out the woman who does it for fun.

I think we save the best till last - The $40 dollar woman. This woman somehow became the highlight of the trip to Mykonos in 2004. We had discuss whether or not the weeded woman would give her a run for her money in 2005. I state that the $40 dollar woman will reclaim her spot in 2005. Whether this happens you will have to wait and see.

However we were quite worried that this Mykonos trip would be an anticlimax to our Mykonos obessession. What if we never saw Johnny and the rest of the freaks in 2005. With all this in mind we slowly realise we are around the corner from the $40 dollar woman.

Pulling out my asthma spare to prepare for this event, our hearts were skipping beats. I was holding a video camera and Nagasaki had the digital camera. We storm towards the shop to only discover that the shop is closed. This was the worst moment. After all that built up the bloody shop was closed. We try looking through her windows to see if she's hiding in there but she's also misssig.

Feeling disappointed we start to stroll off thinking that this is all coming to an anticilmax. Not only is the exchange woman missing but so is the $40 dollar woman. We thought she might be having her afternoon siesta during the peak hour so we decide to check out the store again later. Feeling disgusted and not satisfied by the pitta roll we head to the crepes place to get more food. The thought actually makes me sick now.

After our crepes session we realise that we are totally unhappy with the 2 half meals we had. Both meals were unsatisfying. We continue to stroll around town until we hit some photo joint. Nagasaki wants to burn all the pictures to a CD. We ask them how much and she tells us 7 Euros. Nagasaki storms out before the woman stops speaking shoving me across the road. Muttering something about how everyones trying to rip us off and that we can get it cheaper, I decide not to argue and just follow as Nagasaki is in one of thoses deadly moods. We rush into the nearest internet cafe where they offer to do it for 4 Euros. Practically half the price but its not until later we discover why.

We head back to our apartment with Nagasaki still muttering the whole photo shop rip off thing. We decide to nap and Nagasaki is lying in bed commenting how they tried ripping us off with the CD.

Now were trying to nap with no air-con and only a fan which doesnt even cool one let alone 2 people. We decide to leave the window on so that we don't suffocate to death in this shoebox when every tom dick and harry decide to ride their motorbike down our alley making me jump out of my bed each time. The only thing the motorbikes were good for was to cut Nagasaki's muttering completely out with the whole CD rip off thing. Some where in between there was a dog festival in the alley. For some reason they decide to parade around near our window and ensure we don't sleep. It was practically a dog catwalk.

Finally getting the shits, we decide to shower and head out for dinner. We decide the first place we want to try out this year is Marco Polo. In 2004 everytime we went to Marco Polo it was shut and it came highly recommended from the woman that does it for fun.

We stroll towards Marco Polo when all of a sudden some weird lunatic tries to stop Nagasaki. Nagasaki practically pushes the guy aside heading straight to the tables to find a waiter to sit us down. Before I can get a word in, Nagasaki complains there are no waiters for us to be seated. This is when I point out that the weird lunatic was actually the waiter.

Picture - The weird Waiter

We get planted down at some table in the middle of an outside foot path. We quickly search through the menu to decide on a meal. Nagasaki decides to go for the squid again hoping on a repeat of the Santorini meal while I decide to stick to my traditional Moussaka. Some where along the line we decide to celebrate we are in Mykonos and order a jug of house wine.

The meal arrived and Nagasaki's face was priceless. We looked at the plate to notice that they brought Petros's leftover food. Recap Petros is the famous pelican on the island. Instead of the expected squid we had a plate of bits and pieces of some dead animal. We decide to hit the wine.

The wine starts to hit and everything around us is started to look funny. We notice this woman sitting behind me at a table at Marco Polo wearing sunnies. Who the hell wears sunnies at 9:30pm at night? What is wrong with theses people.There was no sun what so ever. Did she think it was morning or something or she would get moon burnt?

Picture - its hard to see but its the chick with the sunnies

Later on in the night we saw her walking around the island with a cowboy hat and sunnies. People just get weird on this island. Omg I need more wine...

We head back to the apartment so that I can get my sunnies as things are heating up around here. The wine's hitting me and the best way to continue this feeling is reliving 2004 drinks. We pull out our vodka and lemonade. In 2004 we had vodka and OJ but we decided its less obvious with vodka and lemondade. It looks like water. Nagasaki steps into being the bar tender and the drinks are mixed, the sunnies are on and were out the dooor in search of some partying.

Let the fun and games begin. We decide to stroll around Mykonos town as its still early for clubbin here at 11pm. Plus we had to check the $40 dollar womans shop. We need to see her. While walking down the alleys Nagasaki decides to take a sip of the vodka when the top of the bottle explodes like a champagne causing a scene smack bang in front of everyone. The bottles were twisted tightly and when Nagasaki opened it, obviously it exploded making a huge noise.

So we are standing there while people are staring at us on what the hell we are doing. I'm pissing myself laughing thinking I wish I had sunnies on right now while Nagasaki is searching for the bottle cap. Nagasaki manages to find the bottle cap and grabs it while we bolt out of there after causing this scene. This was quite funny at the time as I laughed and laughed for only to see my own bottle cap explode when I tried opening mine. So much for being discrete.

Continuing to explore the town again and I swear at one stage I thought Nagasaki was still mumbling about the whole CD rip off thing when we ran smack bang into a huge crowd. Thinking this place is happening and packed to the bone we look around to spot hundreds and hundreds of guys and to our right two drag queens parading around.

This is when we realised we have hit the biggest gay bar in Mykonos. The whole bar was packed in fact that the crowd had spilled into the streets. The streets were blocked and there was no where to move or past by. Soon we realise this bar is actually called PIERROS. We try to squeeze through the crowd, trying hard not to get gropped as were squeezing through practically tight against guys.

We manage to squeeze through the huge crowd of gay men to find a stop to sit down on to drink up on our home made drinks. We try to stand only realising that we cant. I think the alcohol has hit me but Nagasaki had other issues. Nagasaki was sitting on something sticky and white. Thinking it was softdrink I reckon it was left over spillage of sperm. Seeing as thhe gay bar was down the road I reckon two guys sucked each other off and spilled some on the stairs to which Nagasaki coped it on the ass HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA

OMG this all makes sense now. At the time I was too drunk to realise what the fuss was about.
So Nagasaki starts muttering something and I think its the CD issue again but this time its about the sticky pants. We head back tot he apartment so that Nagasaki can get the jeans with the sperm off.

Back at the apartment, Nagasaki practically ribs the jeans off and throws them in the shower so that Nagasaki can wash them in the morning. The bathroom door opens and I spot the jeans in the shower on the ground. This is when I crack and burst into laughing. I practically have an asthma attack staring at the jeans in the shower and laughing about he fact that we have a pair of jeans with sticky sperm on them. Nagasaki has no idea what I'm laughing at and pulls out the camera to get this on tape.

Oh man the jeans laughing fit was a good one for me...

After I get myself together we head towards Scandanovian Bar, yes remember Scandanovian bar? I'm going to call it Scan Bar from now on because I can't be bothered typing it up every time. We immediately head to the outside bar to relive our B52s shots from 2004. After a few shots we decide to go inside the club. Its a shock horror to notice that we have to line up this year, where as we just walked in last time. There are actually people on the island this time round. When we get to the head of the queue we realise that we have to pay an entry fee which consists of a free drink inside. Last year we didnt pay, but we didnt argue as there was a free drink invovled.

We walk in to notice that the club is actually packed. There are actually people dancing on the dancefloor. We head to the bar to see if our mate Josh is here. Unfortunately there was no sign of Josh. We hand over our ticket to receive our free drinks and Nagasaki orders us long island teas.

I'm standing there with my cocktail in my hand realising I was only here last year. Waiting for the same songs to play again such as Hey mama....Dont funk with my heart....and how can I forget our favourite Justin Timberlake. I look around and dont see any locals that we know. For a minute I was expecting that chick that took my photo on the dancefloor and then tossed me aside to come through the doors.

Feeling quite tipsy we hit the dancefloor with the drink in my hand. I think Nagasaki heard Beyonce playing and without thinking grabbed me by the hand to the dancefloor. I ended up spilling some of my drink. The amount of alcohol in my drink was like 95%. I was starting to get completely smashed when some guy with a straw appeared to be dancing with us.

Aka Introducing the straw guy. I think this guy was trying to act all hot and seductive with the straw act but at one stage he was about to shove the straw into people's face. Someone should snap his straw and shove it up his ass. What kind of a person dances with a straw in their mouth, sick cunt. This only got weirder when the straw guy almost took Nagasaki's eye out with the straw. What the hell? Imagine a straw with an eye hanging on the edge - YUCK!

Things tend to get better with the introduction of the COCAINE GUY. While we were dancing this guy joined us and then asked Nagasaki "Do you have any cocaine"?. Nagasaki disgusted by this question nearly bitch slapped him.

Nagasaki leans over to tell me that the guy asked for cocaine. I get deeply offended that I wasn't asked for cocaine. How does Nagasaki look like a drug dealer and I don't? What kind of a sick lunatic doesn't ask me for cocaine. Not that I want to be asked but I should be asked.

We slowly dance away in this jam packed dancefloor when the cocaine guy comes up to me. He finally gets the courage to ask me if I have cocaine for him. Feeling better now that he asked, I'm ready to kick him on the cock. What kind of a sick person asks me if I have cocaine. You sick lunatic. Do I look like a drug dealer in this place. There's about 500 people in here, go harrass the others. We continue to dance away when I brag to Nagasaki I got asked if I have cocaine. I really should stop drinking wine and long island teas.

We continue to drink and some how become separated with the introduction of a new bloke. Something looks familar about the guy and neither one of us actually saw him walk in. After a few seconds I notice Nagasaki having an epilesy fit on the dancefloor. I soon realise its JOHNNY!!!

Oh my god back from 2004 is our mate Johnny. Trying very hard not to laugh I slowly dance my way to the bar while Nagasaki gets more than bargained for. Nagasaki attempts to escape from Johnny by racing to the toilet in that crowd. Arriving outside the toilet we realise that there is a toilet queue which means Nagasaki is stuck outside waiting. I'm waiting in amazement when Nagasaki starts to dance to the music outside of the toilet obviously sending out a sign saying "Come and get me".

Hence I now introduce "Tony" The Italian guy. Within minutes of Tony rubbing himself against Nagasaki we soon realise that our Italian guy is abit too happy. Wearing loose trackies and possibly no underwear one can now notice that our Italian guy's wants to offer someone Italian Sausage.

Meanwhile I'm watching this as if Im watching a movie. Actually I think I'm pissed drunk at the time. The toilet empties out and the next thing you see is Nagasaki storming into the toilet to escape the Italian guy.

While Nagasaki is peeing, I move myself to the lounge where our jackets are. I can still see the toilet from where I am sitting. Next thing I see is Nagasaki storming out of the toilet and practically shoving everyone, including the Italian guy out of the way as if the toilet has caught on fire. In a mad panic I thinking whats happening. Nagasaki approaches me and yells in my ear "We have to get out of here". I'm practically passed out on the couch and remember thinking oh for fucks sake not again. Why can't I come to this bar without being dragged out of here when the party just begins.

Before I even stand Nagasaki pulls me to my feet, hands me my jacket and leads the way through the crowd. As we storm in between the crowd I notice Johnny staring at us and he starts to follow us. I scream at Nagasaki saying "Hurry up. His coming". Nagasaki's lost about what I'm on about. With no idea Nagasaki storms out of the club and down the stairs, which is packed with people queueing up for the club. We shove everyone out of our way trying to make a fast escape. By the time we raced down the stairs into the alley we stood there with Johnny next to us questioning where we are going.

I suddenly blurt out "Cafe, Coffee come"! Without realising the three of us are heading to a cafe. Johnny decides to lead the way through the tight alley ways towards the waterfront to some cafe.

The three of us sit down at a cafe. I sit on one side while Nagasaki and Johnny share the same side. I hear Nagasaki mumbling something but assume its the whole CD thing again. The menu arrives and we order coffee. Its beyond me why the hell we are ordering coffee at like 2 or 3am. Nagasaki tops it by ordering double Greek coffee. I don't know if its due to stress or the fact that Greek coffee will help calm down. So we sit there in a very awkard situation.

Even though I'm totally smash I decide to get the ball rolling by chatting. Now Johnny can't speak english that well and obviously we don't speak Greek. So all we manage to learn about him in the next 20 minutes is that his actually from Albania, so his not Greek like we assumed. He comes to Mykonos every summer to work at a Supermarket during the tourist season.

Moving on from his personal life, he mentions the best clubs to go to at Mykonos. Obviously the first one being Skan... Bar. The other is Space bar. We are yet to discover this bar. The third bar is Pierros. The one that we ran across previously, the most popular gay bar on the island. While this conversation is happening, Nagasaki is kicking me under the table. I think Johnny noticed this and thought we were planning footsies under the table. I think I had bruises the next day.

Finally the coffees arrive and this awkard silence breaks. Nagasaki divides into the coffee and practically sculls it all. Its not water you know. Its steaming HOT coffee. We drink our coffees to leave this awkward situation. The bill arrives and Johnny doesnt offer to pay, so I pay for it.

We get up to leave and Johnny continues to follow us. At one stage while we were walking Johnny asked where we were going and Nagasaki confirmed that we were going to sleep. I think Nagsaki did some hand movements to verify this. He smiles and continues to follow us.

We arrive near Pierros and Johnny suddenly starts telling me that this is Pierros and I can go in. He practically insists that I go into the gay bar. Like what the hell? Leave me alone. Not that I have a problem going into a gay bars but this one looks too demanding for me even. Johnny practically shoves me into the guys trying to get us to go in. I step on it and start walking off.

We continue the walk to our apartment while Johnny continues to follow. I think Nagasaki keeps mentioning that were going to sleep. We got really close to our apartment and Nagasaki decided to do a sudden stop. So we stood in the middle of the alleyway while Nagsaki tried explaining we were leaving him now. Nagasaki yelled "Sleep, bye bye" and ran off leaving me there. So I did what I had to do. I ran as well. What the hell was I supposed to do? Stand there and try and explain to this guy that we are not sleeping with him.

I find Nagasaki hiding behind some corner so I join. We try to see if Johnny is following us. Were quiet as a mouse. When we realise the coast is clear we run like lunatics to our apartment, open the door and divide in.

This is when we realise that Johnny thought we were going to have a threesome. I forgot that coffee meant sex in Greece. I suppose Nagasaki didn't help with the whole sleep thing either. So were lying on our beds as I'm having a laughing fit that Johnny wanted a threesome and we screwed him over big time. Nagasaki starts abusing me and blaming me for inviting him to coffee. We screwed Johnny over literally. HAHAHHAHAHAHHAAH

With all this going on in the bedroom no one could sleep. We had to do the next best thing. Grab our video camera and head to the nearest pay phone. With random calls to Cherry and others to calm us down from the coffee, some people coped a few abusive voice messages.

Back to the apartment which is practically morning now. The suns about to rise. We try to sleep and Nagsaki is muttering something. Assuming its about the CD again I fall asleep......

OH GOD The first night of Mykonos..... One down, three to go.